When Does it End?

photo courtesy of : mothersonmission.blogspot.com

I have been in some type of funk. Starting in the middle of this week and continuing on to today...I just get down some days. I didn't get to run my race for a few reasons, but mostly because I was not physically nor mentally prepared. There are those days where I wonder why I'm not further than where I am today. Like wtf am I doing/or not doing that I can't reach where I want to be?

Why do I feel bad for wanting to reach my dreams AND be a mom? Why does it always seem I might have to choose between the two?! I can't seem to figure out something that works for US. Me and Liam. Our 2 person family. Why do I suck at life sometimes? How can I make this boy's life better? How do I become a better person and a better mom? Am I doing any damn thing right?! WOW!

I'm not losing weight although I do know why and someone who I thought would remain in the past has popped up again. Trial  is coming up. Class starts in a little over a week and I'm emotionally drained. I have worked 6 days a week for the past three weeks straight. My car still needs to be fixed - new engine (well another working one). Bills, bills, bills. Preschool, speech therapy.  Jesus take the wheel.

I'm so tired my life seeming like it is going to pass me the hell by. I have a fear that I will wake up and be 40 years old and nothing will be better than it is right now. I could NOT live like that. I can't keep being dependent on my parents. :(

I'm really sorry that I had to rant and leave so much negativity today, but I had to put it out there because internalizing it has me about to explode. I have to find a way to make everything work...I have to.

I'm not meant to be here. I'm not meant to be doing this...

Nursing School List '13 Revised

I have done more research. Added, taken away, considered new places and am currently going with this list (not in order of course):

My Top Choices - based on location, price, program 
(almost all of these apps HAVE to be completed by November 15, 2012)

1) SUNY Stony Brook - Long Island - has campus apartments, could still keep my car, child care center near campus, still in NY (not 5 boroughs tho), state school, 12 month program
*I am also applying to their 2 year traditional program just in case. BSN only

2) Pace University CDP program -bsn + msn to be FNP/ also has a 2 yr option and can still apply for MSN

3) Columbia ETP program - have to also take GRE for this. what seems to be an amazing program that would allow me to get my BSN, work for 1 year and then return to get my MSN and become an Family Nurse Practitioner which is my goal. From there I would delve more into what I would like to become my Fitness Nurse specialty. I think this would be the best professionally, but not the best logistically and financially which of course are MAJOR considerations

4) Lehman (now y'all know I'm a little anti-Bronx, but they do have an accelerated program that again would be at those great CUNY rates)
The info online about their program is vague, so I will have to do some more research and request info.

5) NYU- prices are ridiculous but it's worth a try. I need options

6) Still applying to EKU anyways for their accelerated program (not so accelerated at 21 months!) - not as enthused about this b/c I would certainly have to go elsewhere for my FNP

7) UK-again not accelerated, but what the hell


8) UMass Boston - I would still be in the Northeast, prices are pretty comparable to the other out of state programs I'm considering


9) U of Cincinnati - I'm not a Cincy girl AT ALL, but would qualify for their metro tuition (same as OH in state and they have an accelerated pathway program for BSN/MSN)


10) Drexel University in Philly - has a seemingly good program that would also allow me to get BSN/MSN. 


IF anyone has 1st hand information or knows anyone else who went to these schools, don't hesitate to comment/contact me about it! :) 

Nursing School NYC '13 or Bust

It's so strange because this time about 2 years ago, I was finalizing my list of law schools that I wanted to attend and studying for the LSAT...funny how life has a way of steering you in a new direction. But don't worry law school is still on my radar one day as well as my MFA in Creative Writing :). Mama's got plans I tell ya, PLANS! So now I'm at the point my academic career where shit is crucial! Like my/our life(ves) (hyperbole) depends on this. I'm taking 9 credits this summer all Pre-reqs for programs I'm interested in and 10 credits in the Fall (again pre-reqs). In terms of classes that will leave me with about 2 classes left to complete (Stats & Chem and possibly another Bio)

My Top Choices - based on location, price, program
(almost all of these apps HAVE to be completed by November 15, 2012)

1) SUNY Stony Brook - Long Island - has campus apartments, could still keep my car, child care center near campus, still in NY (not 5 boroughs tho), state school, 12 month program
*I am also applying to their 2 year traditional program just in case

2) Pace University CDP program -bsn + msn to be FNP

3) Columbia ETP program - have to also take GRE for this. what seems to be an amazing program that would allow me to get my BSN, work for 1 year and then return to get my MSN and become an Adult Nurse Practitioner which is my goal. From there I would delve more into what I would like to become my Fitness Nurse specialty. I think this would be the best professionally, but not the best logistically and financially which of course are MAJOR considerations

4) Lehman (now y'all know I'm a little anti-Bronx, but they do have an accelerated program that again would be at those great CUNY rates)
The info online about their program is vague, so I will have to do some more research and request info.

5)NYU- prices are ridiculous but it's worth a try. I need options

6) Still applying to EKU anyways for their accelerated program (not so accelerated at 21 months!)

7) Univ of KY-again not accelerated, but what the hell


Now you ask...how in the HELL am I going to make this happen?

*GPA -in all honestly I can't afford anything below a 3.5/ That is a crazy high standard for someone who is not so strong in Science, but I have to get there...
* with the help of Fastweb.com, I have a goal to apply for 4 scholarships for $300 or more per month
*those refund checks from school? Save as much as possible.
*HRSA scholarship - if I got that would have my tuition paid for, a monthly stipend and would have to work for an HRSA approved site for 2-4 years
*United Way here in Kentucky has a program to help people save $ for school, small or biz or a house down payment
*next year's tax return - in the bank!
*save money EVERY month
*apply for departmental/institutional scholarships at whatever school accepts me
*keeping this goal in mind...I want to be under $50,000 $75,000 in loan debt by the time I am done with ALL my education
*get kick ass Letter of Rec...I can only think of 2 possibilities right now: my soon to be psych or a&p 1 teacher and one of my bosses at work...I need a third...we'll see.

I have a shitload of things on my plate...but come hell or high water this will get done. I might be half crazy and emaciated by the time it's all done, but I will get it done.