New Start

image courtesy of: http://www.jobsinme.com/media/graphics/photos/articles/how_to_get_a_new_job_off_to_a_good_start.jpg

Hey out there,

Well you know I have been on the job hunt for CNA positions and well really full time positions in the healthcare field that can work with and around my school schedule and I've finally take a step in the right direction! I'll be starting my new position July 18, but won't be leaving my beloved library job until August 15 :(.

I'm truly sad about it and will miss what I do. I'll miss those bad as kids and the stress of programming and that damn grant paper work and all the other things I usually complain about.

In my new position I'll be a Registration Clerk at a local hospital mostly doing ER 2nd/3rd shift. Although this is not the hands on position that I will be doing when I find employment as a CNA, it is a step in the right direction and works well with my schedule right now (i.e. it came right on time). I will get more pay, more hours initially and they have provided for my school schedule.

Again, this is not my "dream" position (i.e. one where I can deal with direct patient care and learn the ins and out of RN duties), but one step at a time I am getting there. I am still awaiting the results from my state test and then hopefully will be able to hear back from hospitals and begin to interview!

If all goes to plan, no later than October 1 I will be working 3 nights a week, 12 hr shifts (probably 7pm-7am), still freelancing on the weekend for Benefit, kicking ass in Chem (the goal is a B) and working on all the other fabulous things I want to accomplish.

I'm truly blessed and I don't want to take that for granted. I'm thankful that although this is not exactly what I want, it is right now what I need! I really believe that all my hard work/struggle/blood/sweat/tears now will not only shape me into a better person and mother that I will come out of Nursing school as one hell of a Nurse (and eventually Family Nurse Practitioner).

Ciao,
Cicely

Cicely June 2013 Updates Go Fund Me Campaign

Cicely as the Face of LieslBinx...Upcoming Project

I've started a campaign on GoFundMe.com please com support and check out what I'm trying to do ;) 

Support Cicely as Face of Liesl Binx Fall 2013

This page is dedicated to my journey to travel to Seattle and and support a fellow plus size girl, Liesl Binx, as she launches/develop her first fashion collection (Fall '13) and as I venture to continue to gain positive exposure in the plus industry. Most recently I was featured in the international online magazine Volup2 (www.volup2.com) Grace issue. I'm still pushing forward to make my dreams happen. Here's your chance to participate! :) 

About the Line:
This sharp fashion forward sportswear collection can be worn by plus size women of most ages as the designs offer a wide range of flexibility. Liesl uses classic silhouettes with unique on-trend design elements to spotlight the fuller figure. Focusing on perfect fit, and fabric choices along with functional garment construction this collection offers a new standard in plus size fashion. Inspired by self-love and body architecture Liesl presents you with her debut collection.

Check out: www.lieslbinx.com

Updates: Half Way Through 2013

I finally am going to make time to get back to my baby (i.e. this blog). I feel like I have been cheating myself and YOU, my readers out of content, inspiration and the love I used to show for one of the things I love to do. So I have returned to redeem myself! I'm back! :)

There is so much going on I'm not even 100% sure where to begin. Let's start with Liam! He completed about 6 weeks of Headstart and had his speech therapy and got into a routine. His speech is and has improved by leaps and bounds. I'm so proud of him and so happy for the progress that he's made.

School - I BARELY creeped by my Spring semester. I will go ahead and admit that I bombed Physio again and didn't get the C I needed to complete my pre-reqs, so as 3rd time has proved to be the charm for me, I am taking it again currently and have a solid B in the class. I FINALLY figured out the issue: I couldn't take the class with other classes AND while working. Now that it is my only class and I focus solely on that I am actually learning the material and excelling! Sheesh!

I finished my CNA class, did clinicals and just took my State CNA test June 14. I'm hoping I did well! I was super nervous.


Modeling - I was featured in a major publication, Volup2 magazine and I'm so happy with the work me , the photographer and the male model put in. I am still working towards being agency signed and trying to use all avenues to get my name and face out there. I also have another project currently in the works and hoping for that to take off :).

Work - I'm still at the library of course, but am sure I'll be leaving no later than mid August.I love my coworkers, my kids and what I do, but I have to move on to pursue my Nursing career and to provide more financial stability for me and Liam.

"Love" Life - y'all know I have to put that in quotes lol. Earlier in the Spring I dated a guy who I thought was decent enough, that turned out to be not the right situation for me. I really need to learn to listen to my intuition. I know what I want, I know what I deserve and I truly need to STOP settling. I'm promising myself that I won't settle for just ok and alright anymore. The next man I date I want to be long term...I'm looking for marriage material, father to my child and future kids material.

That being said lol, I did meet someone new. I get a waaaay different vibe from him. We talk about deep things, things that matter to me. We talk about finding our direction and purpose in life. He is vulnerable and it shows, he's been hurt and we've talked about it. He's dealt with a lot in his life and I really like his attitude/outlook on life. He has no kids, he wants to eventually have a family. We both have a love and appreciation for good music. I think in most aspects he's certainly on my level/we see things eye to eye. It's really refreshing. And we agree to and ARE ACTUALLY taking things super slow. There has been no making out, nothing, Just hand holding and a couple of quick pecks. It's really sweet. :).I'm really enjoying this whole patience thing and just letting things be and not rushing into things I'm not ready for...

Happy Father's Day & A Letter to my Future Husband

I want to take this time to wish all the fathers, grandfathers, uncles and father figures who value their role and the lives they change and better every day. And now, prompted by something similar I saw on Instagram I wanted to write a letter to my future husband, Liam's future step dad and the father of anymore kids I might have.

Dear Future Husband,

I am so blessed to have you in my/our life(lives). I love and appreciate everything you do and you make me so happy.I love that you cherish our children, that you take the time to help them with their homework, give them advice and help to keep them on the right path. Not only are you my partner in parenting, but you are a great provider and think of us in all that you do. When you are with our children, I can see the love you have for them in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice as you speak with them.

You are truly a gift from God and I wasn't sure I would ever meet you. Not only do you love the family we had from the start, but your love gets greater and you get better as a father as our family grows. I don't feel like a blended family because Liam is our son and to me and him, you are his father. I thank you for everything you do and for always supporting me and doing what's in the best interest for our family.Marrying you and growing our family was one of the best decisions I have ever made and there is no one more perfect to share this life with than you.

Again I thank you so much for all you do for me and our kids and we celebrate you on this day and all days for all that you give so selflessly.

Love always,
Cicely

My Spring in Fashion

I owe you guys a REAL blog post and promise to come through on that shortly. In the meantime, check out some style posts I've done:

Society of Curves™: Face of the Week: Cicely N. Carter

Society of Curves™: Face of the Week: Cicely N. Carter: Model Bio: Cicely N. Carter is a 25 year old college grad, blogger, makeup artist, lover of all things fashion and a single mother to one...


Yours Truly ;)

What I Thought I Knew, I Really Know Nothing of

It has been almost 2 months since my last entry and I'm truly sorry about that. I have had some huge ups and some downs as well mixed in. But guess what I'm still here and surviving!!! Sometimes, barely but I'm here. So let's talk about the bad (and I will include a second post to follow) 

Motherhood - We have finally figured out the groove and details and Liam will now be attending the county Headstart until the end of the year (end of May), receiving speech therapy and will start full force in September 2013 in the 3 year old class. Remember his October birthday does NOT meet the cutoff here. But I have no issue with that as long as he gets the services that he needs. 

The education team (psychologists, speech therapist, occupational therapist and director of the Headstart) have raised concerns that Liam may have an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm not 100% sure what to think. They will be conducting more in depth studies/observations of him, but I am honestly scared. I dont know what to think. When looking at some of the symptoms, he does seem to fit the bill for Autism Spectrum Disorders...I just don't want to label him before I know anything. Even if the diagnosis ends up being right, I dont ever want to label him. So I'm just waiting to see where and how to proceed from here.

It just makes me sad, like maybe there is something more I could have done, but we will make it through this and become a stronger family because of it. It still makes me tear up even now writing this. I got the news about a week ago and it is still sinking in. I think the worst part is that even though my parents are supportive, they don't really know how I feel and all these important, life changing decisions are in no one's hands but my own. The fate of this kid's life in in MY hands. It is up to me to ensure that I make the best of whatever life throws at us and that he is resilient and comes out of  his childhood virtually unscathed. Frankly, I'm scared, scared as hell. I really don't want to mess this up like so many other things I have in my life. No matter what, I always want to do what is best for my son. He deserves the best and I'm doing all I can now to make sure that happens.

School - I'm still on the verge on crashing and burning, but there are still 5-6 weeks left in this semester and there is a possibility I can pull of 1 B and 2 Cs. Sad when I settle for that, but hell it is what it is. I am almost done with the online Certified Nursing Assistant class and am hoping to take my state test by mid-May (or right after classes finish). Then the job hunt begins for an overnight CNA position in a hospital. *sigh* So that means that my library job will have to go.

Sorry to give you guys such a brief run through, but I felt like I was keeping you guys out of the loop. I've had a rough time, but guess what I'm prevailing and I'm going to keep fighting my way to my goals and through the rest of this thing called life. As always thanks for reading and thanks for continuing to support me on my journey.

~Cicely

Rolling With the Punches

image courtsey of mmaboxingfitness.com

I am finally finding some time (at 4 am while doing homework as well) to write this post. It has been about a week coming. A few posts back I mentioned that my semester was decent in the Fall, but that I had one turrible and I do mean turrible grade. I try to be transparent as possible, but I was so embarrassed by that grade I couldn't even publish it for the blogosphere to see. Well, 'fess up time...I got a D in Physiology (YIKES!) That makes 1 of 3 Ds in my entire college career (sophomore and junior years in college were rough working 40 hours a week + 15-18 credits a semester in class). 

Because of that D I won't be able to start clinicals in the Fall. Even though I have EVERY OTHER requisite finished and all grades are acceptable (besides that one), because the D will still be my official grade when admissions makes their decision I can't start the program here until Spring 2014 (January NEXT year). I'm not going to lie, upon hearing this news I was devastated and in a funk for about a day and a half. I had a cry and then I realized that it is no one's fault but my own. I could make every excuse in the world, but I know where I went wrong. I was exhausted, suffering from lack of sleep and well when I noticed was my grade was headed south, it was too late to withdraw. So I tried to finish out the class the best I could and D is what ended up being my current legacy. 

I am now of course taking the class over and striving for a B, but boy oh boy have I learned from this experience. I am NOT Superwoman, I can NOT do EVERYTHING at once and do it well and I really need a break. With those things in mind, I have resolved to take this Summer off from school because I don't HAVE to go and I need the mental/physical rest. I want to get some sanity back, recharge, refocus on my weight loss journey (finally dropping these last 40ish lbs),  modeling and be fresh and ready to finish my fall semester and the 1 or 2 last requisites I have to take with STELLAR grades. 

I honestly look at this setback as the wake up call I needed to get my life together lol. I'm going to continue to kill it at the gym, be at least another dress size down by the end of summer (size 16 is so close, yet so far lol), focus on getting a job in my field (I will be done with my Certified Nurse Aide course by early April), spend precious QT with Liam, save some money and set a concrete plan for where I want to go to Nursing school and how I'm going to get there. 

I will be applying to some of the New York schools I wanted to apply to originally (for a Summer 2014 or Fall 2014 start) and every scholarship I can find. I will of course reapply here and my even start Nursing I in the Spring, but my ultimate goal (because my heart and mind are still set on it) would be to attend school in NYC so I can get both my degrees at the same time - BSN/MSN that is. Everything comes with a price though and not just monetary. I have a LOT of things to weigh in this decision, not only my career goals/aspirations, but the future of my little man and what is best for him. It may come down to it that he may have to stay with Mom and Dad if I decide on Nursing school NYC because the Summer session will be brutal. From May-August I would have to take 20-21 credits...but I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch. 

I said all of that to say this: the lesson learned is that flexibility is key. No matter how well thought out/planned/written to a T your goals/plans are, always leave room for changes/unexpected events. Even in Statistics we learn that there is room for a margin of error, the standard deviation. So plan your life, create a solid plan, but realize that nothing rarely works on a linear path. I  liken my life to a maze: there was one starting point, I have come to many blockades and have had to turn around,  but I always end up finding my way back and closer to the next opening that is slowly moving me towards my ultimate goals (i.e. adventure/challenge). 

"Go Shawty It's Ya Birthday"

 I wasn't necessarily dreading this day, but I wasn't exactly looking forward to it either...Then I realized something...Hell, I'm STILL here. Not only have I survived NYC living, I have also managed to graduate college with degree #1, learn and grown in single motherhood, mend a broken heart AND lose weight. Now I'm back in school, working jobs that make me happy and trying to get my modeling career off the ground.  I'm happy to say that today, February 1, 2013 at 25 I am the BEST version of myself that I have ever been and that's f-in' awesome. 

Why I Think Being 25 (and beyond) is Amazing 

1. I love my body! Cellulite, stretchmarks, birthmark, spider veins and all. I have worked hard to be where I'm at and hell, I EARNED it!!

2. Wine - I love it, it loves me. We appreciate each other. We GET each other lol

3. Knowledge - I STILL don't know everything, oh yeah and NEVER well. I'm cool with that ;) 

4. Parenthood - Being a mom is AWESOME. I'm empowered, challenged, completely in love and got to grow actually create one of the coolest people I know ;)  

5. Relationships (or lack thereof) I have never felt so good being single and enjoying time with myself

6. Career - I have figured out what I want to be when I grow up

7. "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" - I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about sex. Hey I AM an adult (really, real this time) 

8. Risky Bidness - I take risks in my decisions, I expand my scope and consider things I may not have before -although more calculated than before - I realize this is my ONLY life and I'm not getting younger. I want to lead by example for Liam. That means living out loud and sticking by the actions I take and mistakes I may make along the way.

9. Improvement - I actively seek out ways to improve myself and quality of life because well...those things REALLY matter to me. 

10. Estilo - I have finally discovered MY sense of fashion and style. This really happened over the past couple of years - but I LOVE wearing dresses...body con is my BFF! 

11. Timing - Everything does NOT have to happen now - if it is meant to be, it WILL happen when it is time for it to! "Nothing happens before its time"

12. "Sometimes I like doing hoodrat things with my friends" lol - It's OK to get a little ratchet sometimes - only at appropriate times and ONLY when you recognize you are being ratchet lol!!!!!

13. "Bills, Bills, Bills" Even though bills suck, YEAH they REALLY do - it IS empowering to buy your own shizz. Yep I live in MY apartment, I drive MY car, I spent my entire paycheck on MY bills lol 

14. Let loose - Dancing around the house/apartment in your undies is COMPLETELY acceptable and actually high recommended. :) 

15. "Let your soooooooooouuuuul glooooowwwww" The only person you should aspire to be is the best version of yourself- I love me some me :)