Beauty Break - new stuff :)

So I just had to do a quick beauty review...going back to my makeup roots for a lil bit :)
2 amazing new products I have/love/may possibly never do without again :)

L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes (reg in blk #620) - Truly opens up my eyes, making them appear brighter and more "doe-like". Awesome volume + seperation with no clumps! A steal @ Walmart for about $7...I now like this better than my Benefit BadGal Lash in blue (retail around $19).

Make Up For Ever - Aqua Lip lip liner in color #18C. I just could not find a perfect coral lipstick...so I kinda made my own. This pencil has great pigment and amazing durability for hours at a time, i think it compliments my skintone well. I lightly/mediumly (lol not a word) line the lips with this and then mix with a Nivea lipgloss...results? Peachy lip perfection

The look below consists of : concealer in NC45 MAC, brows filled in with dark brow powder by Anastacia, lightly dusted Vera Moore pressed powder in Almond followed by MAC minerals bronzer @ cheeks and bridge of nose, sippin n dippin cream shawdowliner Benefit Cosmetics as eye base, Almay eyeshadow in Apricot @ arch and inside corners of eyes, lime green shimmer eyeshadow  on half of lid by MAC (will post name ASAP), Black Opal black liquid eyeliner at outer corners, L'Oreal voluminous millions lashes on top/bottom lashes & MUFE aqua liner #18C mixed with Nivea lipgloss in pink tube.

So what do you think? (yes I was in the car, NO not driving, but anyways safety first lol :p)

Monday!

Poops is @ daycare, I ran the necessary errands and now I have about 3 hrs left until I need to be at work. My supervisor let me know that I can amend my schedule and change it to working 3-8pm M-Thrs. That actually works out so much better now with Liam's impending visit to his "father's" in in a couple weeks. We are going to have to drive there, by Wednesday, Aug 10, I have to let him know about what time we are getting there and the $ he will owe to me for the tranportation costs. Luckily for him, we have to drive...plane tickets for me and Liam round trip $991.90 fohwtbs! I WISH I had money to drop like that on plane tickets and we wouldn't even be going through this bull. uggh oh well! Such is life. I am still just trying to let God handle things as He sees fit. Pray for me and my lil Poops. I know we will get through this...

Until again,
FLMM

End of Another Week

Sorry sorry ! I have been a total slacker in terms of my dear ol' blog. I had a pretty good week @ work. I think I will actually enjoy my job and thus far don't mind going to work. Poops and I had a great day of lazing around and enjoying each other's company...I think that's how Saturdays are meant to be. Besides the usual money woes, I am still trying to find my place in the world, in this year, trying to find me.

For starters, I took one more step towards being healthier, I applied for a YMCA membership. I'm going to make this happen. At this point I am looking to lose in the 75-100lb range. It is not until I lose weight/tone up that I can began to seriously and actively pursue a career in modeling. Why am I holding myself back? Really laziness and complacency and letting the rest of life get in my way. I'm tired of thinking how things could/can be, I want them TO BE. That's where I come in. I have GOT TO GET MY ISH TOGETHER. I am only getitng older and my dreams are getting further away...

Teenage Dream

I want a love like this! How corny am I? Yep I know #dontjudgeme...we can all dream! lol

Nothing is ever gonna b the same...and I'm just fine with that :)

I will officially make this title my life motto :). Sorry guys! My babydaddy (aka my bff Mo-neezy lol) told me that I need to be blogging again and yep she's right! I've been running around the WHOLE week and it seems as if this week just flew by LITERALLY! Where did it go? Slipped right through my fingers that's where!!  I start my job at the library and I am excited. I need to buy some more biz casual clothes but otherwise I am ready.

Updates:
Me and Myia went to NYC last week to deal with the court stuff. Liam's father is trying to fight me for visitation - blah! Anyone who knows me and knows this situation knows how BULLSH!T that is. Liam has been out of NYC since April and his father has NOT ventured to call/text/email/fb msg or anything about him ONCE. He makes me sick *throw up*. Next hearing is Sept 21 - before that Liam has to be tranported to NYC for a whole week to spend time with his "father" - but we all know that his Grandmother will be watching him damn near the whole time. Uggh the situation has me all aggy again! hmph! All I know is that I am doing what I'm supposed to and have put that situation in God's hand. He is better equipped to handle it than me, the mere mortal.

No 2nd PT job - the translator job fell through b/c now they are looking to hire someone full time for the position! Kinda sucks but oh well, I have faith that I can find another PT or even a FT position to go with the library job.

Working out - I have got to get on it! end of summer is acutally the best time to start. Have months to go before it is Spring/Summer again and I need to get on track. I'm going to do it. ASA I get the $, looks like a YMCA membership is in my near future. I am aiming for September

LSAT - I'm a loser! I havent studied at all in recent weeks! Aug 1, 5 hours a week shall commence! I have to do this, I REALLY do! I need to structure it and make it happen - no more excusas por favor!

Love? - So about a week ago a close friend of mine had an altercation w/ an exbf...my understanding of the story and what I believe to be true is that they got in an argument and then the situation turned physical. She was kicked, choked, slammed against a wall and ultimately punched in the face...all in all reality literally came crashing down :/. I feel no type of way about the dude involved in the situation b/c he initiated the physical contact first. I am all for self defense but if a man defends himself against a woman, since when does doing all the things mentioned above become necessary? Yeah..u can miss me with the bullshit. I am really just disgusted with the whole situation and tired of people treating others like shit and people i know and love being treated like shit! When does it end? Why can't people my age just get shit together? I know this person deserves so much more and life and she will have it. It just makes me so sad that she has to go through all THIS to get where she wants to be. Makes me doubt sometimes if decent people can ever really be happy? What does it take? Why can't we win on Earth as well as in Heaven? In the end I know things will work out for her, but it really sucks to see a situation unfolding and to not be able to do anything about it/make a real difference...especially from 740 miles away :/

Liam - still the light of my life. He tries my patience every day...but I love him too much :) He makes life worth it. I will always love my Poops :)

Love life/extracurriculars - NEXT ---> lol

There is not much more to update right now, but I will write more that comes to me...I havent been inspired to write poetry lately...that needs to change.

Until again
FLMM

Model -Agencies That Represent Plus Size

I decided to do my reasearch the other day and found a few more agencies than had been in previous years, besides the "big names" that represent models:

Ben Barry Agency (names like Fluvia Lacerda, Denise Bidot)
IPM Model Management (Alex Wise - a friend of mine,
Flaunt Models (Lisa Scott, Griselangel P)
Dorothy Combs- well respected Miami based agency (size 10-16)
FORD +
Wilhemina (W Curve sizes 10+)
Model Service Agencey (formerly Goddess Models)

So I've got my work cut out for me, but I'm ready for the challenge.

FLMM

Final Law School Decisions 2011 edition

I made this list back in November 2010, I have since had much to think about and cosider since then and have somewhat revised those same decisions. So here is my new list. I will now be applying for 2013 admission. I am going to do this before I am 30.

Harvard - A definite REACH, but I figured what the hell?! - would be awesome, but maybe not practical even if i got in! high cost of living and rent and who would watch Poops? i didnt read about on-site daycare facilities
          
Hofstra Law- they have an awesome fellowship program dealing with Child and Family law. I'm very interested in this and it would be an awesome way to start my career as a family court judge. They have both a PT & Ft program which gives me options. They are located in Hempstead, L.I. which drives the cost of living down somewhat for me. I will of course need a car, but I will be in the financial position to afford it esp if I get the fellowship.

Fordham - Fordham  is #3 school in NYC, but doesnt fare so well nationally in rankings. I do like that the school is located near 59th street. They also have a great English M.A. program which is right up my writer's alley! So a dual degree is what I would consider doing here. They also have a Child/Family fellowship program and one of the top ranked PT/night programs in the nation! As we all know living in nyc is expensive enough without adding $50,000/yr + in law school debt!

UK Law - it's a good enough school, I just don't know if I can stomach KY living again! They don't have a dual M.A. program in what I would want (an MFA that is) - cheapest option

U of Cincinnati - great choice b/c it's close to family, but not in KY AND i can get in state tuition, not sure how i feel about their program overall - 2nd cheapest option

This is going to be a difficult decision no matter what. Let's just pray I get into a variety of schools so that my options are more open. I have to blow the LSAT out of the water! ALL the way! My top 2 choices are Fordham and Hofstra based on location and other factors. I want to be back in my 2nd home, equally pursuing both of my dreams!

Summer 2011 - L.A.

This is

the reason

I live

and

breathe.

My Own Worst Enemy...

As I have known for a few years, I can be and sometimes am my own worst enemy. I know what I want to do, but I don't always know when/how/where those things will work out.

My  biggest aspirations are:
1) to be a successful agency represented plus size model @ a size 16
2) to be a lawyer and eventually a judge
3) last but NOT least to be the best Mom I can be and raise my son

So  it is very simple. I can have it all and I will. Just not all at the same time. But something tells me that if modeling was not meant for me, I wouldn't still have the passion for it that I do. I wouldn't continue to think about it every day and be so into fashion. I can feel it. 2012 will be my year. At 24 years old, I will relaunch and reboot my modeling career so that I can truly do one of the things I feel I was meant to do. I will probably move back to NYC and I will work my ass off to model and to be the best law student and eventually best lawyer I can be.

I realize that I do LOVE makeup, but it is a hobby of mine. Not a passion. I am passionate about doing it, but I cannot see myself doing it for years to come or the majority of my life. Now I know what I want to do and where I want my life to go, it is up to me to make it happen...

What To Do?

I have had much to think about in the past few days...I have had conversations with Mom & Dad and have been very introspective lately. I feel something off/out of balance with my life and I'm not sure what it is or how to shake it. I feel like for a few months, I'll have it together and be motivated and driven and seemingly have things figure out, but then all of a sudden I lose steam and somehow get lost in the shuffle as well.

I'm feeling like I don't even know which direction to go in anymore...
there are logical directions: make money doing something I truly enjoy, wait a few years to go to law school, maybe never have a modeling career? Be a breadwinner and provider like I'm supposed to and  be...miserable? I was sure at one point in life that I could do it ALL. Now I'm not so sure. I'm very uncertain about everything...wtf can I do besides pray?

It came to a decision I have to begin to make on Friday. I love makeup, I enjoy doing it, I enjoy learning about it and helping people. But I'm not 100% sure I can be happy for YEARS to come doing it. It will always be something that I enjoy doing, but maybe it falls into the hobby category along with poetry. Something  I truly enjoy, but may not be meant to be for a life career.

About law school: Next year is not going to happen, but I think I should do it in 2013...I realized what am I waiting for? I'm tired of just working jobs. I want a meaningful career. I also realized that I will never be a "rich" lawyer and I actually don't really have a problem with that. My reasons for wanting to be a lawyer: I have always loved to help people. I used to volunteer. I enjoying bridging cultural and language gaps, I enjoy the satisfaction of truly helping people and changing "the world" even if it's just one person's life. I think that I will be a passionate and just lawyer. I am truly committed to helping families and kids, which is why I'd love to be a family court judge or work in juvenile justice...
 

There are just so many things to consider and I only have my ENTIRE life riding on my decisions. Save for meeting a few people in my life I have no regrets of any decisions I have made. All I know is that I want to be a better person and I want to work in a place where I can have personal and emotional fulfillment along with being able to make a change. But the adventurer in me wants to see the world, the country at least, and travel and be on the move as I always have. *sigh* I really don't know what to do anymore. But there is so much riding on my decisions...My future, Poops' future and yeah...I don't know what this really all means! I am in a million different directions going 1000 mph and i need the emergency break STAT!!! :/