Thursday, February 14, 2013

Rolling With the Punches

I am finally finding some time (at 4 am while doing homework as well) to write this post. It has been about a week coming. A few posts back I mentioned that my semester was decent in the Fall, but that I had one turrible and I do mean turrible grade. I try to be transparent as possible, but I was so embarrassed by that grade I couldn't even publish it for the blogosphere to see. Well, 'fess up time...I got a D in Physiology (YIKES!) That makes 1 of 3 Ds in my entire college career (sophomore and junior years in college were rough working 40 hours a week + 15-18 credits a semester in class). 

Because of that D I won't be able to start clinicals in the Fall. Even though I have EVERY OTHER requisite finished and all grades are acceptable (besides that one), because the D will still be my official grade when admissions makes their decision I can't start the program here until Spring 2014 (January NEXT year). I'm not going to lie, upon hearing this news I was devastated and in a funk for about a day and a half. I had a cry and then I realized that it is no one's fault but my own. I could make every excuse in the world, but I know where I went wrong. I was exhausted, suffering from lack of sleep and well when I noticed was my grade was headed south, it was too late to withdraw. So I tried to finish out the class the best I could and D is what ended up being my current legacy. 

I am now of course taking the class over and striving for a B, but boy oh boy have I learned from this experience. I am NOT Superwoman, I can NOT do EVERYTHING at once and do it well and I really need a break. With those things in mind, I have resolved to take this Summer off from school because I don't HAVE to go and I need the mental/physical rest. I want to get some sanity back, recharge, refocus on my weight loss journey (finally dropping these last 40ish lbs),  modeling and be fresh and ready to finish my fall semester and the 1 or 2 last requisites I have to take with STELLAR grades. 

I honestly look at this setback as the wake up call I needed to get my life together lol. I'm going to continue to kill it at the gym, be at least another dress size down by the end of summer (size 16 is so close, yet so far lol), focus on getting a job in my field (I will be done with my Certified Nurse Aide course by early April), spend precious QT with Liam, save some money and set a concrete plan for where I want to go to Nursing school and how I'm going to get there. 

I will be applying to some of the New York schools I wanted to apply to originally (for a Summer 2014 or Fall 2014 start) and every scholarship I can find. I will of course reapply here and my even start Nursing I in the Spring, but my ultimate goal (because my heart and mind are still set on it) would be to attend school in NYC so I can get both my degrees at the same time - BSN/MSN that is. Everything comes with a price though and not just monetary. I have a LOT of things to weigh in this decision, not only my career goals/aspirations, but the future of my little man and what is best for him. It may come down to it that he may have to stay with Mom and Dad if I decide on Nursing school NYC because the Summer session will be brutal. From May-August I would have to take 20-21 credits...but I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch. 

I said all of that to say this: the lesson learned is that flexibility is key. No matter how well thought out/planned/written to a T your goals/plans are, always leave room for changes/unexpected events. Even in Statistics we learn that there is room for a margin of error, the standard deviation. So plan your life, create a solid plan, but realize that nothing rarely works on a linear path. I  liken my life to a maze: there was one starting point, I have come to many blockades and have had to turn around,  but I always end up finding my way back and closer to the next opening that is slowly moving me towards my ultimate goals (i.e. adventure/challenge). 

Friday, February 1, 2013

"Go Shawty It's Ya Birthday"

 I wasn't necessarily dreading this day, but I wasn't exactly looking forward to it either...Then I realized something...Hell, I'm STILL here. Not only have I survived NYC living, I have also managed to graduate college with degree #1, learn and grown in single motherhood, mend a broken heart AND lose weight. Now I'm back in school, working jobs that make me happy and trying to get my modeling career off the ground.  I'm happy to say that today, February 1, 2013 at 25 I am the BEST version of myself that I have ever been and that's f-in' awesome. 

Why I Think Being 25 (and beyond) is Amazing 

1. I love my body! Cellulite, stretchmarks, birthmark, spider veins and all. I have worked hard to be where I'm at and hell, I EARNED it!!

2. Wine - I love it, it loves me. We appreciate each other. We GET each other lol

3. Knowledge - I STILL don't know everything, oh yeah and NEVER well. I'm cool with that ;) 

4. Parenthood - Being a mom is AWESOME. I'm empowered, challenged, completely in love and got to grow actually create one of the coolest people I know ;)  

5. Relationships (or lack thereof) I have never felt so good being single and enjoying time with myself

6. Career - I have figured out what I want to be when I grow up

7. "Let's Talk About Sex Baby" - I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about sex. Hey I AM an adult (really, real this time) 

8. Risky Bidness - I take risks in my decisions, I expand my scope and consider things I may not have before -although more calculated than before - I realize this is my ONLY life and I'm not getting younger. I want to lead by example for Liam. That means living out loud and sticking by the actions I take and mistakes I may make along the way.

9. Improvement - I actively seek out ways to improve myself and quality of life because well...those things REALLY matter to me. 

10. Estilo - I have finally discovered MY sense of fashion and style. This really happened over the past couple of years - but I LOVE wearing dresses...body con is my BFF! 

11. Timing - Everything does NOT have to happen now - if it is meant to be, it WILL happen when it is time for it to! "Nothing happens before its time"

12. "Sometimes I like doing hoodrat things with my friends" lol - It's OK to get a little ratchet sometimes - only at appropriate times and ONLY when you recognize you are being ratchet lol!!!!!

13. "Bills, Bills, Bills" Even though bills suck, YEAH they REALLY do - it IS empowering to buy your own shizz. Yep I live in MY apartment, I drive MY car, I spent my entire paycheck on MY bills lol 

14. Let loose - Dancing around the house/apartment in your undies is COMPLETELY acceptable and actually high recommended. :) 

15. "Let your soooooooooouuuuul glooooowwwww" The only person you should aspire to be is the best version of yourself- I love me some me :)