Saturday, October 26, 2013

Acceptance Letter

It's official...I'm accepted into the Nursing program at EKU! I was on edge for the past couple of weeks...I wasn't sure I would get in! I thought the 2 Cs in Anatomy and Physio would have done me in, but there IS a God and by some unknown miracle. I'm IN!

I have orientation January 8 and classes start the next week. I'll be taking Nursing 114. I'm sooo excited! Now I have to get all my immunization records together, pay for a background check, pay for liability insurance, buy wine colored scrubs and get my stethoscope! :) Finally, all this hard work I've been putting in since May 2012 is paying off. On this track I will  finish school December 2015 and be awarded my Associate Degree in Nursing. From there, the plan is still to go to grad school and become a Nurse Practitioner.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

"When It All,it all Falls Down"

When it rains it certainly pours. I know that when things are bad they won't be bad forever. Let's get the negative news out of the way first:

1) Stemming from Dad's toe amputation 2 weeks ago an infection developed. When he went to doc to check in on said infection it turned out to be MDRO (multi drug resistant organism) called ecinobacter and he was kept. Next day turns out on top of Diabates,peripheral vascular disease, Dad also had clogged arteries in the heart. Yesterday afternoon open heart surgery was performed. He is currently in Cardiac ICU and doing well....the road to recovery will be a long one

2) I went from a low A to a D in one of my online classes because my simple ass forgot to take the midterm! I honestly thought I had more time than I actually did. Professor said NO to late midterms...FML! Now I have to bust my ass JUST to get a B.

3) I have now gained a total of 26 lb and I'm fed up! I've got to start TODAY getting my life and WLJ back on track. I feel like I'm losing control! :/

Now on to some good things:

1) Liam turned 4 Oct 16! Despite Dad being in the hospital he had a great day.

2) I booked my flight to Sea-Tac aka Seattle Washington! I will be shooting with Liesl Binx for the debut of her Fall line. I'm so fortunate and blessed for this opportunity.

3) I'm working more hours = more $

4) This semester is ALMOST over

5) I completed a boudoir shoot 3 weeks ago and the results are awesome!

Don't feel bad for me guys, just please keep Dad in your thoughts and prayers and send some light our way! Thanks so much.

Until again

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

In the Trenches

I have really been through the emotional ringer lately. There has been so much and I do mean sooooo much going on in my life. I finally complete all the diagnostic testing for Autism for Liam. I'm about 80% sure the results will come back that he is on the Autistic spectrum and that is not what even bothers me. What stresses me out is the fact that I can't be around enough to provide him a stable routine that would be ideal for a kid dealing with as much as he is. My work hours are all over the place and almost every time they call me into work...I go not because I want to, but because I know I need the money.This involves working 2nd shift, 3 shift and 12 hour days sometimes. It involved being so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep. It involves feeling like shit emotionally and physically due to the schedule wreaking havoc on my body and the fact that I'm away from my child so much.

Then, comes the frustrations of working all the time and still never really having money. My car needs breaks, Since August I have been paying 4x the price because I "make too much $" to qualify for child care assistance. My rent has also gone up and I honestly feel like I am only making enough to keep simply my nose out of the water to make a few labored breaths. How can someone with a 4 yr college degree and a year of college credits after possibly be THIS broke? It is depressing and so, so frustrating. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Modeling - I have a pending trip to Seattle that I don't even know HOW I'm going to make happen. I looked at this trip as an opportunity to finally take my modeling career up a notch, but I see that dream blowing away in the wind as I type.

Health - I've now gained bout 25 lbs of the weight I lost! I am sickened and saddened by it. I feel like crap and my release has been to stuff my face with food (picture of health I know). I am just so disappointed in myself. Starting tomorrow I have to go back to the gym. My schedule is so sporadic that I honestly plan to go to the gym and sometimes can't because when I work in the day I have to get Liam to school and pick him up from daycare.I have to, have to get some stability in my life or I'm going to see the same # on the scale where I started 2 years ago. I can't let that happen to me again.

I do feel better addressing these issues and fleshing them out on paper (well on screen). But I am just feeling a little helpless right now and that's a feeling that in not welcome for me.I am trying to be positive because Iknow things will get better, but if it doesn't happen soon. I'm not sure how much more I have left (not suicidal, but it is possible I will have to deal with some depression)