Saturday, November 23, 2013

New Job, Nursing School and End of the Semester

I have made the decision to quit working at the hospital. Mainly because I hate it lol and it is entirely too stressful to be the type of job it is! My hours fluctuate so much and no time in the near future will there be a chance for a steady PT position (which would consist of two 12 hr days on the weekend), so I just don't think it's worth it anymore. I tried it out, it didn't work and now I can move on. So I'll keep my freelance job at Benefit cosmetics and will now be working PT at Lane Bryant. It's a definite pay cut, but I told them upfront that while I am available 4 days per week, I will NOT be working more than 2. My Nursing class alone will be 14 hours of lab, clinical and lecture. Each component has it's own set of homework. I'm taking an MMA phys ed class just so I can be right at 9 credits for my loan. I know all too well from personal experience that when I work alot my grades suffer tremendously. I can NOT afford to fail out of Nursing school or have to retake classes. I can't and I won't.

I'm basically going to be working to put gas in my car (to work and school) and pay the bare minimum bills. It makes me sad that I won't really have any "extra" money. This will limit activities that me and Liam do and may even cut down on my gym time which Lawd knows I need. It means no more Asos/Forever 21 mini-sprees and REALLY tightening up on my budget and oh yeah, actually making one and sticking to it. The only other good thing about this is rent will remain low, I will qualify for child care assistance again and possibly Medicaid again (even though I'm on Mom's's still too much for me to afford for dental work).

Things will get better I know this, but January will be a rough month. Less income and major adjustment. I also still have to buy my scrubs and some other Nursing supplies to be ready for my first day January 14. Mom has loaned me one of her stethoscopes to use until I can afford to buy my own (tax time baby! lol). I'm going to need some new pens, a new planner and a watch (non digital). Orientation is January 8 and early next week I'm going to turn in all my req vaccine info and my $43 background check so that I can FINALLY register for my NUR 114 class! 

Finally, I have 2 final exams and 2 papers left and the semester is over!!! December 11 is the final day for my last paper and I can't wait. This hasn't been a terrible semester, but I sure am glad it's over! My Thanksgiving won't be too eventful because I opted to work at the hospital due to the time and a half. (Whoccould pass that up?!) More updates to follow. 

Until again,

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Struggle: The Movement

A lot of times (and a lot these days especially) I'm not always 100% sure about things. I've had enough people tell me that I inspire them and it FEELS good. It feels like I am actually making a contribution to this world, that I am not just some mass taking up precious space and Oxygen on this Earth. Even though Liam has not been officially diagnosed by a medical professional with Autism...I'm pretty sure he does have it. From the ADOS and ADIR tests at school and about a year of compiling observations and trying different strategies with him...I can at least confirm that the signs of a high functioning autistic child are there.

But I will not let this/these things define him. Above all else he is Liam, my first born and only child and an amazing little specimen of a human. I am now confronted with the task of getting him the help he needs and the therapy/help/support we need as a family to thrive. I have accepted that and I am ok with it. I just want him to be the best Liam he can be. I am the mother of an awesome, intelligent handsome little boy who happens to have Autism.

Then there are days like I have had lately where I feel myself becoming sad, disillusioned, unsure of the next step. Days when I'm just here...not actually present in the things I am doing, but simply floating. I am now tipping the scales with a 30 lb weight gain (yes of the 50 I lost). I have all these amazing plans to help and change the world, to be there for those who need it...How can I do these things when my life sometimes is on the verge of spiraling out of control? When sometimes I eat just to feel better, because it is one of few things I can control? How can I inspire someone to be better when I'm not even being the best version of myself. It's a strange place to be...

I don't define myself by my weight/size, but I do recognize when things are not on track. Whenever something seriously stresses me out, I pack on the pounds. This is not good for my physical or mental well being.

In my dreams/my thoughts/my goals/aspirations I see:

Cicely Carter, RN, NP, CPT and Health Coach (registered nurse, nurse practitioner, certified personal trainer)

Today, Sunday November 17 2013 I feel so far removed from that, I'm not sure how I'll ever get there. I usually don't get this deep, but today it was necessary. I feel like I have let my life spiral out of control...starting today I'm going to fight to get it back. I need balance in my life. Fun/work/personal goals/motherhood (i.e. time with Liam) and I just need some sense of peace and some help.

Help to get myself back on track, help to figure out how the hell I'm going to make it through my first semester of Nursing school and help to do everything I can to make sure Liam thrives...

I am putting these thoughts into the atmosphere and being conscious of what is going on in my life.

I'm asking you guys to keep me in your thoughts, good vibes and prayers if that's your thing...I need it today, I need it right now.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Getting it Together

A special salute to all the veterans who served this country and gave life and limb to protect their families and future generations of Americans and also the current men and women who serve and protect or nation's welfare. Hugs and love to all of you.

rando picture of me at work the other day lol

So I'm officially in Nursing school...NOW WHAT?

First things first I have to gather all my records of immunization and make sure I'm fully vaccinated before I can register for NUR 114. I'm only missing my Varicella (chickenpox) and then I can register. Then, I will need a stethoscope, burgundy scrubs and white shoes to complete my Nursing ensemble and an overcoat to complete my new Nurse student look. I will have to pay for my background check and then buy my dosage calculation book to get ready to take my first Dosage calc test the 2nd week of January.

Some things to think about:

Work is going to have to go down to NO MORE than 24 hrs a week. I will be in class 4 days a week; 2 of those days will be full EIGHT hour days. No games are to be played. I can't afford to get Cs or fail out at this point.

I'm hoping I will qualify again for a childcare subsidy. I can't even afford to pay the $460 a month I pay WAY that can happen with me barely working.

I will need to be looking into local Autism resources to try and get some more support/medical help for Liam.

I have REALLY got to tighten up the reigns and get my finances together...

*sigh* Sometimes being an adult blows lol. I'm very happy and super thankful for all I have been given, but sometimes I really get so tired of the back and forth and the ebb and flow...but I know it will pay off. I have to keep my eyes on the finish line and appreciate the process.

Until again,

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Cicely Plus Model Takes Seattle!

This year has been a roller coaster to say the least! With just my personal life and family life it was enough. I honestly wasn't 100% sure if I would continue to model anymore, my weight has gotten a bit out of hand, but despite all these things I FINALLY feel (like we all have those moments) that things/my life/my careers/my dreams are coming together. Like this is the beginning of the things I have been waiting for...

I wrote a while back about a collaboration between me and Liesl Binx for her Fall/Winter '13 collection. We "met" on Twitter, began communicating, graduated to Facebook, Instagram and the phone and now I'm here in Seattle and we have shot the first set for her line!!!! I met her amazing immediate family consisting of her mom, stepdad and awesome/gorgeous sister! I felt so welcome the entire time. This was truly a match made in fashion heaven.  It still seems like it's not happening lol. Here are some sneak peaks:

I will do another more complete post later,but this is what I have on hand for today! :)