The Power of Words

As someone who uses words to express herself through poetry, blogging and other avenues, I realize how truly powerful words are. Yesterday I went to the wedding of a friend I have known for 20 years! I'm so happy for her happiness and it was an awesome celebration. I really love weddings and always have.

Aside from getting to see the bride (my friend) and her husband and her family, I got to see many old friends I hadn't seen since high school or for a least a couple of years ago. It was great! It's so funny how people are always watching you (whether good or bad). My parents have always told me to be careful how I show myself to be in public and in private. They were really big on the while true colors coming out thing lol.

I met up with some of these old friends and so many of them had positive things to say about me and Liam and our little family and it honestly made me so happy. All the single moms (moms in general) know exactly what I mean when we struggle day to day just to make things happen. Long nights prepping for the next day. Delaying dreams and reworking them to fit not just YOUR life, but OUR life. Putting your child's wants and needs before your own. It's not always easy and to have someone notice that, truly makes you feel proud. It makes me proud to be Liam's mom and happy that so many people think he is blessed to have me for a mom. I feel that HE is the blessing and I'm the one lucky enough to be his mom, however.

It made me realize that I really do need to stop being so hard on myself. As long as I am doing my best, what more can I do? Liam inspires me to continue and be a better person because all of this hard work is for him to have stability and the best opportunities in his life. His "other" parent will not and cannot provide those things to him, but I have a support system here that I don't have anywhere else. I have so many people in my corner, in our corner that I can't afford to fail. It's just not an option.

I saw parents of my former classmates and they just couldn't stop raving about Liam and how handsome he is and I just truly felt the love and the support.
He is just so amazing. I'm in awe of him every day. I don't know what I did to deserve such a handsome, smart, loving, sweet, stubborn and mischievous little man. I just have to say that feeling the love and hearing such kind words yesterday really lifted my spirits. I am overwhelmed that people I care about (even if I haven't seen them in a while) had such wonderful things to say. After all, we know the power of words and how they can build you up or break you down. I have to say, from yesterday I'm in a hot air balloon floating towards the clouds. :)

Until again,
Cicely

Being Flexible and Accepting Change

As you guys know, I'm a planner. I have big dreams, big goals and bigger aspirations and I plan them all. I visualize a goal, formulate my plan and execute. I will be the first to admit that I don't always deal the best with life's sudden changes.

You all know about my journey to make it to Nursing school get my BSN and then become a Family Nurse Practitioner. That goal has not changed, but my approach and the way I will reach it has. With most things in my broke, single mom life, it all boils down to money and timing. The 4 schools I had to focus on are not the best choices for my life as it is right now. UC has switched up their reqs a little, leaving me not enough time to complete before their deadline for the Summer 2013 cohort. While I MAY stand a chance to get into NYU and Columbia the $$$$$ I'd have to spend there is a HUGE concern for me. UK and EKU offer the 2nd degree BSN, but not accelerated and also don't include the MSN component which for me is essential.  Finally, in the midst of all these things I cannot forget that I have a little man who still needs and demands my attention. I love the school he is in and want him to be able to stay there at least another school year. I want him in the best environment possible. I have help here in almost all aspects and I really need that help right now, no matter how much I think I don't.

With those things in consideration, I have decided to wait and restart the admissions process this same time next year and will be looking to start programs in 2014 either January, June or at the VERY latest Fall. . In the interim, I'm going to become a CNA [certified nursing assistant] (starting classes in January or February 2013), continue to focus on my weight loss (I'm still 60+ lb away from my final goal), continue modeling/complete some goals with that and work on becoming an ACE certified group and/or personal trainer. I need to save money (a few thousand to be honest), focus on my grades and doing as well as I can in classes for right now. I'm still not 100% sure that I will end up in NYC, but if other things in my life fall into place, it is where I will be and I need $ for us to survive there.

I'm at peace with this decision because it has been eating me up the past few weeks. It will put me finishing school around age 28/29 with both BSN/MSN, but this is what I want/what I'm meant to do and you guys already know, I'm a fighter. Sometimes, I have to slow down and see what is going on around me and not let my tunnel vision cut off the broader focus which is not only myself and my career aspirations, but also and foremost the nurturing, loving, supporting upbringing of my son into an amazing, intelligent and high functioning adult.

Being responsible and growing up sucks sometimes, but we are worth it and I know Liam certainly is!!!

Until again,
Cicely

Jesus Take the Potty Seat

I have been reading articles on potty training and watching fellow bloggers and friends with toddlers/preschoolers tackle the Potty Monster. Liam is not really interested in #1 or #2 on the potty or even telling me about it...at ALL. He will mention it after the fact, but how is that helping me or him right now?! Nope it's not.

I'm going to be 100% real in admitting that NO I don't put him on the toilet EVERY morning. We are about 3-4 out of 7 mornings right now, but we do place him on during the day and he still refuses to tell us when he needs to go. Saturday Mom put him in his Batman underwear...pee-pee! All he did was stand there and say uh-oh! lol

While it is sort of humorous, I know that he can't go into the 3 year old class until he is FULLY toilet-trained.   Ok, so that won't be until next year, but I am tired of buying these expensive, small azz packs of Pull-ups...He is actually in Good-nites now because he's wearing a Boys size 4!

We need to get our lives together and quick.

Anyone have any suggestions other than letting him run around balls free?! lol :) Much appreciated!

Until the next time,
Cicely

Mid-September

Wow! About one month til Liam's birthday. I have been trudging forward and trying to work on Nursing school apps, study for the GRE, keep my grades up, pay off bills, apartment hunt and keep my sanity lol. I'm managing ok thus far.

I just wanted to rant a little bit about things that have been on my mind. I truly thank God for this blog and being able to relate to people who are going through the things I am (single moms) and love the things I do (beauty/fashion). My life would probably be a little more tangled if I didn't have this way to share, vent and be inspired by others.

I read a post recently from a fellow blogger about the whole dating thing and have been talking to friends about it as well. Dating is such an emotionally taxing and logistically sticky situation. When I say everything has to be planned...it does down to a "T"! I would say since maybe April/May I have been on about 4 dates. 50% were disasters, the other 50% really nice. Problem is I'm really limited in how I meet guys and the quality of men I usually meet is NOT up to my standards.

It is exhausting trying to plan when I can meet someone for a drink or dinner or a movie. It is usually never during regular date night hours, not usually on a regular day and I have to match this schedule up with one or both of my parents so I will have the free time to go out. A younger guy (he's 24) I recently met up with a few times is just that, too young I think. I try not to dwell on age too much, but it IS a factor. Most guys my age are still out hoein...hell a lot of guys 20 years older than me are still out hoein (*ahem* DD lol) He's really a nice guy, but I don't think he truly can understand the things I deal with on a daily basis or where I'm coming from. We can be silly together and he doesn't mind that I drop f-bombs and we can talk about the problems between men and women comfortably...but, I can't invite him to my place because until we find our own place we are still with mom and dad. IF I did, it would have to be after Liam goes to sleep because I don't want anyone to meet Liam for a while...a loooong while lol. Also, because Liam goes to bed kind of late sometimes, I don't want a guy to get the wrong idea...cuz THAT is NOT what THIS is lol.

The 2nd (and only other) guy I'm talking to is super nice and we have a lot of things in common. We have a similar sense of humor, he gets my sarcasm and we are both creative types. I just think he may remain in the friends category because he is dealing with the recent death of his mother and I just think the timing is bad. He is definitely sweet and I'd like for him to stick around, but I'm just letting him have time to deal with all the emotions that go along with his loss.

I guess what I really feel is that I haven't had a really deep and meaningful connection with anyone in a looooong time. I know what I want, but I just haven't quite found it yet. Maybe I never will. For now I will just let things take their course. I don't even think I had that REAL connection with Liam's father. Although at the time I probably thought I did. I don't feel a spark with anyone. All the men who get "it"/get me are my friends. I don't want a friend with benefits because I'm in a much different place than that, yet I don't want a "serious" relationship because I'm honestly not sure I can handle that type of emotional commitment, plus Liam, plus school and everything else I have to deal with. What is the medium between those 2 things? Is there one?

For now life is: Liam, school, work, nursing school apps, apartment hunt, photo shoots and bills lol.

Ay yi yi! Me duele la cabeza!

Cicely Plus Model Featured as VIBE Vixen of the Day !

Cicely Plus Model - VIBE Vixen Vixen of the Day

Come check me out! I'm so excited about this opportunity! :)

Shout out To Dublin! :)

I don't know who my faithful reader is from Dublin, but I want to shout you out and say thank you! Because of Google Analytics I can see the city/state/country of my readers and Dublin keeps popping up on the radar. I would love one day to go to Ireland and well my little Liam has a nice Irish boy's name :). So thanks for continuing to read and it is truly appreciated!

Saturday Thoughts and Such

While I sit here blogging to update you guys, wtf I really should be doing is my Nutrition homework and studying for my Physio and Microbio exams coming up next week...But nope, here I am blogging away. Liam completed his first week of preschool and did pretty well. I am very proud of him :).

I should begin my apartment hunt next week as Poopie and I embark on finding out own little cozy place to call home, if only temporarily. Liam's THIRD birthday is in about 30 something days and I'm of the mind to just plan a small family orchard outing and let him run wild in a pumpkin patch...that's about as country as it gets and I love the sound of that :).

We also have to get some pictures done. Just Liam and then just us :).

I have royally sucked at weight loss this week. That TOM did come around, but still ain't no damn excuse for my lacking and slacking!!!! I have to do better. I'm trying to be 30 lbs lighter by New Year's Eve. Not happening if I continue at this rate. I really need to get the eating under control.

*sigh* Things in the "love" department are still as vacant and boring as usual. I'm not really "focused" on that, but as this cold weather is approaching and as I continue to lose weight and of course get a boosted ego lol, I can't help but notice that void a little more. Oh well. I have Liam, homework and the gym to keep me on my Ps and Qs.

Only 4 nursing schools I'm applying to: Univ of Cincy, EKU, NYU and Columbia.

Let me get off here and go get my life together by at least looking at this homework again! lol :)

me in the car yesterday. Yesss gaaawd I thought I was REALLY doing something hahaha ;) 

September

Today my little Poopie started preschool. He'll only be going PT for the first couple of weeks, but then mid-September, he will be a FT preschool man. I just can't believe how fast he is growing and how quickly things in life change. I remember feeling him move in my tummy for the first time and then meeting him face to face, all the amazing moments of our first year together culminated by his first birthday. Then, after that everything seemed to fly by. He hit 2, he kept growing bigger, we are working on potty training and NOW: Preschool.

I am happy to say even though he has a moderate speech delay, he improves steadily every day and becomes more and more clear. At the school, they director and teachers are willing to work with Liam to help him improve especially until we can get him into the speech therapy he needs. I'm glad to have found a place that places so much value in individual learning and has an alternative outlook on education and how it should be. This school felt like home from the first visit.

Fall semester is underway. My first tests are coming up next week. I honestly love Microbiology (let's hope I continue to feel that way lol), Nutrition isn't, but I think Physiology is going to give me the most trouble. But I'm going to bust my ass for real. I don't want anymore Cs. On a random note, the gym at EKU is awesome! Everything is nice and clean and new! I'm totally under paying for a mere $17/semester. I wish I had used it in the Summer! :) But now every Tuesday I plan to spend at least an hour in that gym making this fat cry lol.

Columbia University ETP will be my first application and it's due mid-October. I don't have much time to get everything together, so I must begin to be diligent about it today!

I have a photo shoot coming up in a week and a half finally do something I haven't done in my port yet. I'm just hoping it turns out well  :).

I will be posting a WLJ vid sometime this week, hopefully I will have some weight loss to report. My next mini goal is to hi the -54 lbs mark. That will be exactly half way! I'd like to reach that by Oct 1! I've got to be on my grind you guys!

Until next time,
Cicely