Mid-September

Wow! About one month til Liam's birthday. I have been trudging forward and trying to work on Nursing school apps, study for the GRE, keep my grades up, pay off bills, apartment hunt and keep my sanity lol. I'm managing ok thus far.

I just wanted to rant a little bit about things that have been on my mind. I truly thank God for this blog and being able to relate to people who are going through the things I am (single moms) and love the things I do (beauty/fashion). My life would probably be a little more tangled if I didn't have this way to share, vent and be inspired by others.

I read a post recently from a fellow blogger about the whole dating thing and have been talking to friends about it as well. Dating is such an emotionally taxing and logistically sticky situation. When I say everything has to be planned...it does down to a "T"! I would say since maybe April/May I have been on about 4 dates. 50% were disasters, the other 50% really nice. Problem is I'm really limited in how I meet guys and the quality of men I usually meet is NOT up to my standards.

It is exhausting trying to plan when I can meet someone for a drink or dinner or a movie. It is usually never during regular date night hours, not usually on a regular day and I have to match this schedule up with one or both of my parents so I will have the free time to go out. A younger guy (he's 24) I recently met up with a few times is just that, too young I think. I try not to dwell on age too much, but it IS a factor. Most guys my age are still out hoein...hell a lot of guys 20 years older than me are still out hoein (*ahem* DD lol) He's really a nice guy, but I don't think he truly can understand the things I deal with on a daily basis or where I'm coming from. We can be silly together and he doesn't mind that I drop f-bombs and we can talk about the problems between men and women comfortably...but, I can't invite him to my place because until we find our own place we are still with mom and dad. IF I did, it would have to be after Liam goes to sleep because I don't want anyone to meet Liam for a while...a loooong while lol. Also, because Liam goes to bed kind of late sometimes, I don't want a guy to get the wrong idea...cuz THAT is NOT what THIS is lol.

The 2nd (and only other) guy I'm talking to is super nice and we have a lot of things in common. We have a similar sense of humor, he gets my sarcasm and we are both creative types. I just think he may remain in the friends category because he is dealing with the recent death of his mother and I just think the timing is bad. He is definitely sweet and I'd like for him to stick around, but I'm just letting him have time to deal with all the emotions that go along with his loss.

I guess what I really feel is that I haven't had a really deep and meaningful connection with anyone in a looooong time. I know what I want, but I just haven't quite found it yet. Maybe I never will. For now I will just let things take their course. I don't even think I had that REAL connection with Liam's father. Although at the time I probably thought I did. I don't feel a spark with anyone. All the men who get "it"/get me are my friends. I don't want a friend with benefits because I'm in a much different place than that, yet I don't want a "serious" relationship because I'm honestly not sure I can handle that type of emotional commitment, plus Liam, plus school and everything else I have to deal with. What is the medium between those 2 things? Is there one?

For now life is: Liam, school, work, nursing school apps, apartment hunt, photo shoots and bills lol.

Ay yi yi! Me duele la cabeza!