Hey guys,
I have decided to add a new branch to my mommy blog. I want to have an advice and articles column. I really want to focus on the issues that surround us as single mommies in addition to the things that affect me personally. I am all ears for your suggestions and things you would like to read about! Give me your feedback. Thanks
Cicely
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Might Be Time to Say Goodbye...
to modeling for good. Maybe I am just feeling some type of way because of the shitastic events from yesterday, but I am REALLY questioning if one of my dreams will ever come true. I am 24, no longer live in a city where work can be found easily, not agency signed, still not at my goal size and have no future prospects. Every time a job/opportunity comes my way, I snatch it up/apply for it/check it out etc and still nothing.
The last notable thing to happen was an email back from Edwinna at Eddy and Bri and I wasn't able to make that shoot becuase I wasn't going to be in NYC at the time. That was back in October! I entered the PMM/Dorothy Combs contest and didn't place as a finalist. I am entering Full Figured Fashion Week both to walk and to be the face of. The last opportunity that I know of this year is for a Curvy Fashion weekend in Maryland in July.
I am just getting discouraged...I have been trying hard, losing weight, shooting and trying to put myself in the best position possible to be a successful plus size model...I just don't know if it's meant to be anymore. If it wasn't would all these great opporunities keep presenting themselves? And if it is...when is it my time to shine? And can I actually get my time? *sigh*
So I said to myself yesterday if I can't move forward with modeling by the end of this year, I'm done for good. It will be CicelyPlusModel no more...just MUA, mommy to Liam and future RN...it truly makes me sad to think about, but I don't want to keep chasing a dream that is just that....a dream.
The last notable thing to happen was an email back from Edwinna at Eddy and Bri and I wasn't able to make that shoot becuase I wasn't going to be in NYC at the time. That was back in October! I entered the PMM/Dorothy Combs contest and didn't place as a finalist. I am entering Full Figured Fashion Week both to walk and to be the face of. The last opportunity that I know of this year is for a Curvy Fashion weekend in Maryland in July.
I am just getting discouraged...I have been trying hard, losing weight, shooting and trying to put myself in the best position possible to be a successful plus size model...I just don't know if it's meant to be anymore. If it wasn't would all these great opporunities keep presenting themselves? And if it is...when is it my time to shine? And can I actually get my time? *sigh*
So I said to myself yesterday if I can't move forward with modeling by the end of this year, I'm done for good. It will be CicelyPlusModel no more...just MUA, mommy to Liam and future RN...it truly makes me sad to think about, but I don't want to keep chasing a dream that is just that....a dream.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
"Co-parenting" Hell
I am truly at my wit's end with this custody situation, with Liam's sperm donor and the madness surrounding it. This is THE most emotionally draining episode of my life.I'm over bashing this guy, trying to reason with him, trying to compromise. I am over it all....I don't even have more to say about it. Even with this and having to spend almost $400 on new tires, the fact that I may not be able to go to NYC after all and the looming root canal I have coming up on Thursday that I have to pay $973 for...this week WILL BE BETTER.
I choosing to be better, feel better,think better and live better.
I choosing to be better, feel better,think better and live better.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday Thoughts
I have not been on it this week like I should have...well in terms of anything really! lol I was sick most of this week. Missed my Get Fit Club BOTH days (1 b/c of abssesed tooth and 2 b/c Liam was sick yesterday). I have only worked out once, but will force myself to the gym tonight and tomorrow.
In a positive light, I am finally writing a blog post lol. I filed my taxes, I went grocery/toiletry shopping, I paid some bills, I submitted my application fee to EKU so they can finally give me an admissions decision and I can begin the enrolling process to begin class in May or June. Also, I got to spend some QT with Liam and I have a consultation lined up in NYC w/ an amazing stylist! More on that to come. (I will do an ENTIRE blog post on my sad and dreary wardrobe lol).
Tomorrow, Liam and I will go to visit St. Michael's preschool and see about getting him enrolled there in the Fall. Wow! My baby might really be going to school in a few months :'( lol He's getting too big on me!
In general, I just feel that I have not been as productive as I could and should be this week. I don't expect my weight loss to be much at all if any. I have just been running around like a chicken with her head cut off. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get ALL the things I need to get done, DONE!!! *sigh*
Will post again soon! :)
In a positive light, I am finally writing a blog post lol. I filed my taxes, I went grocery/toiletry shopping, I paid some bills, I submitted my application fee to EKU so they can finally give me an admissions decision and I can begin the enrolling process to begin class in May or June. Also, I got to spend some QT with Liam and I have a consultation lined up in NYC w/ an amazing stylist! More on that to come. (I will do an ENTIRE blog post on my sad and dreary wardrobe lol).
Tomorrow, Liam and I will go to visit St. Michael's preschool and see about getting him enrolled there in the Fall. Wow! My baby might really be going to school in a few months :'( lol He's getting too big on me!
In general, I just feel that I have not been as productive as I could and should be this week. I don't expect my weight loss to be much at all if any. I have just been running around like a chicken with her head cut off. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get ALL the things I need to get done, DONE!!! *sigh*
Will post again soon! :)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Wedding Bells...not for me of course!
So it seems to be that time of year again, where EVERYONE is getting engaged and planning their happily ever afters. I am so veyr happy for the 3 people I know who will be wed next year, but it also makes me have an even sadder outlook on the way my life was supposed to be. Somehow, someway I thought it would be me getting married around this age. Back when I was 16/17, I just KNEW that I would be married by 25, kids by 30. That was the plan and I was sticking to it...until I turned 21...then all of that was out of the window.
Now with all the things I've been through, I somehow think marriage is just a pipedream. I wanted to be a young bride (like in the 24-27 range) and I wanted to have an amazing time with my husband before we welcomed our first kiddies into the world...not turning out like that. Obviously before I get married I would have to find A) someone worthy of marrying B) someone who wants to marry me.
I would like to believe that there is someone out there who is ready to be A and will want B, but I dont know. Each passing month I spend in this state, I realize I am wasting my "marrying years" (lol a colloquialism of course). Maybe marriage is not for me. Maybe God put this wonderful deviation from my well thought out dreams/plans because this is what and who I am meant to be. Maybe I should just embrace my role as a single mom and focus on my health and growing my handsome little boy into a handsome, educated, mannerly and respectful man. Maybe this is where I belong in life....
With those thought I can honestly say it makes me sad. Not that motherhood is not the best thing that's happened to me, but I sometimes feel like my life ends now. I have no problem with thinking for the both of us and making those decisions, but I'm inclined to believe that I will never have 25 years of marriage like my M&D or 56 (?) years of matrimony like my grandparents. It truly makes me sad. I don't think I am THAT bad, I've known worse people to get married lol. But for whatever reason, God does not see that as an option anywhere in my forseeable future.
So maybe I should just push the notion of getting married out of my head at all. When Liam is grown and gets married himself, I can focus on being a great mother in law and a great Grandma. I can do what I always do and divert the sadness I feel about my situation in the love for caring and nuturing someone else...Am I really a loser for wanting to be happy with not only my career and motherhood but also with someone else other than my family and friends? I only really thought about this seriously when I was pregnant with Liam...I realized finally at that point around 5/6 months pregnant that I was going to be a single mom, I would NEVER marry the man I was a having a child with and that my plans may permanently be derailed. Sometimes that realization just makes it's way back to my consciousness and I can't shake the feeling, the seemingly inevitable that while raising Liam and especially when he leaves home to start his own life, I will be alone forever....WOW...
Now with all the things I've been through, I somehow think marriage is just a pipedream. I wanted to be a young bride (like in the 24-27 range) and I wanted to have an amazing time with my husband before we welcomed our first kiddies into the world...not turning out like that. Obviously before I get married I would have to find A) someone worthy of marrying B) someone who wants to marry me.
I would like to believe that there is someone out there who is ready to be A and will want B, but I dont know. Each passing month I spend in this state, I realize I am wasting my "marrying years" (lol a colloquialism of course). Maybe marriage is not for me. Maybe God put this wonderful deviation from my well thought out dreams/plans because this is what and who I am meant to be. Maybe I should just embrace my role as a single mom and focus on my health and growing my handsome little boy into a handsome, educated, mannerly and respectful man. Maybe this is where I belong in life....
With those thought I can honestly say it makes me sad. Not that motherhood is not the best thing that's happened to me, but I sometimes feel like my life ends now. I have no problem with thinking for the both of us and making those decisions, but I'm inclined to believe that I will never have 25 years of marriage like my M&D or 56 (?) years of matrimony like my grandparents. It truly makes me sad. I don't think I am THAT bad, I've known worse people to get married lol. But for whatever reason, God does not see that as an option anywhere in my forseeable future.
So maybe I should just push the notion of getting married out of my head at all. When Liam is grown and gets married himself, I can focus on being a great mother in law and a great Grandma. I can do what I always do and divert the sadness I feel about my situation in the love for caring and nuturing someone else...Am I really a loser for wanting to be happy with not only my career and motherhood but also with someone else other than my family and friends? I only really thought about this seriously when I was pregnant with Liam...I realized finally at that point around 5/6 months pregnant that I was going to be a single mom, I would NEVER marry the man I was a having a child with and that my plans may permanently be derailed. Sometimes that realization just makes it's way back to my consciousness and I can't shake the feeling, the seemingly inevitable that while raising Liam and especially when he leaves home to start his own life, I will be alone forever....WOW...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The Dating Debacle
So I have an interest in this guy. He lives in NYC (of course) lol and he seems like a really great guy. Here are some of the issues I am having:
1) now that I have decided to go back to school to get my nursing degree, it puts me being here in Kentucky waaaay longer than I planned to (i probably won't be in the financial position to move until 2014 now *sigh*)
2) he is 13 years older than me and is JUST NOW returning to college after like a 17 year hiatus (if I thought to have a future with him, he would still be in the struggling student phase by the time I already began my career as a nurse)
3) If something more did transpire from the situation that we have, the only option is to have a long distance relationship (for the time being) which for me is not an option because I won't do it. I've done it before and I don't want to go through it again. Given the nature of my situation, I don't think leaving school in Kentucky to transfer to NY is the best idea. I need to be working and making $ when I move back. I cannot have an almost 2 year long distance relationship. That would f-in suck. Because of school for both of us, it would truly limit the time we would be able to see each other.
4) in the future he wants kids, I can honestly say I'm not 100% sure if I want anymore at all! I think about it from time to time and I'm really fine with just Liam. He has brought amazing amounts of joy, love and challenges to my life. I'm not sure how he would feel about a sibling. Obviously NOT now, but if I don't have another 1 by 33, I'm certainly closing up shop for good. When I am in my 30s, he will be closer to 50..yikes!
Hmm, I'm just gonna see how this plays out...*sigh* The life of a single mom :) lol
1) now that I have decided to go back to school to get my nursing degree, it puts me being here in Kentucky waaaay longer than I planned to (i probably won't be in the financial position to move until 2014 now *sigh*)
2) he is 13 years older than me and is JUST NOW returning to college after like a 17 year hiatus (if I thought to have a future with him, he would still be in the struggling student phase by the time I already began my career as a nurse)
3) If something more did transpire from the situation that we have, the only option is to have a long distance relationship (for the time being) which for me is not an option because I won't do it. I've done it before and I don't want to go through it again. Given the nature of my situation, I don't think leaving school in Kentucky to transfer to NY is the best idea. I need to be working and making $ when I move back. I cannot have an almost 2 year long distance relationship. That would f-in suck. Because of school for both of us, it would truly limit the time we would be able to see each other.
4) in the future he wants kids, I can honestly say I'm not 100% sure if I want anymore at all! I think about it from time to time and I'm really fine with just Liam. He has brought amazing amounts of joy, love and challenges to my life. I'm not sure how he would feel about a sibling. Obviously NOT now, but if I don't have another 1 by 33, I'm certainly closing up shop for good. When I am in my 30s, he will be closer to 50..yikes!
Hmm, I'm just gonna see how this plays out...*sigh* The life of a single mom :) lol
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
ADN @ EKU
So here are some of the things going on with me and my quest to start school again and work on my 2nd degree to become a RN.
The school I am applying to has a great program! Ample parking compared to other schools in the area and VERY reasonably priced with lots of diversity/nursing scholarships.
I am applying for admission for Summer 2012 and admission to the ADN program Fall 2012? This is still up in the air b/c the admission test I would have to take is next week Feb 18 or I can wait til April which seems like a MUCH better idea. If I don't get into the program for Fall 2012, I am going to reapply for Spring 2013 and just spend the Summer and Fall busting out some of the science and nutrition classes.
I have to take an admissions test b/c if you took the ACT before 2007 (i took in 2005/2006) then they don't have your scores online and you have to do it through mail which takes 3-6 weeks. My deadline for admissions in March 1.
So what I'm thinking makes more sense to do now is apply to the college for admissions now. Get a start on my science/lab classes and then possibly be able to start my Nursing classes in January 2013 when I am accepted into the program. That makes sense to me! :)
The school I am applying to has a great program! Ample parking compared to other schools in the area and VERY reasonably priced with lots of diversity/nursing scholarships.
I am applying for admission for Summer 2012 and admission to the ADN program Fall 2012? This is still up in the air b/c the admission test I would have to take is next week Feb 18 or I can wait til April which seems like a MUCH better idea. If I don't get into the program for Fall 2012, I am going to reapply for Spring 2013 and just spend the Summer and Fall busting out some of the science and nutrition classes.
I have to take an admissions test b/c if you took the ACT before 2007 (i took in 2005/2006) then they don't have your scores online and you have to do it through mail which takes 3-6 weeks. My deadline for admissions in March 1.
So what I'm thinking makes more sense to do now is apply to the college for admissions now. Get a start on my science/lab classes and then possibly be able to start my Nursing classes in January 2013 when I am accepted into the program. That makes sense to me! :)
Monday, February 6, 2012
Positivity...Looking Ahead
I am going to be healthy, happy and optimistic this week. Week at a glance:
Monday - Get Fit Club + work
Tues - meeting with EKU admissions for ADN program
Wed - Get Fit Club
Thursday- Liam and I have an appointment
Friday - Liam and I go to tour St. Michael's preschool
Saturday- weigh-in, 12-4pm @ Smashbox, going to do makeup for my Aunt for a ball she's attending
Also in other news, I have some mini challenges going on. One is with the girls from my FB weight loss/health group to lose 5 lbs by Valentine's Day. Another personal goal I have for myself is to be out of the 90s by the time I hit NYC in March. So that would require me losing abut 8 lbs as of today! I got this! :) Also, I am strictly monitoring caloric intake and trying to stay near the bottom range of my calories and trying to get in 5x at the gym the week!
Monday - Get Fit Club + work
Tues - meeting with EKU admissions for ADN program
Wed - Get Fit Club
Thursday- Liam and I have an appointment
Friday - Liam and I go to tour St. Michael's preschool
Saturday- weigh-in, 12-4pm @ Smashbox, going to do makeup for my Aunt for a ball she's attending
Also in other news, I have some mini challenges going on. One is with the girls from my FB weight loss/health group to lose 5 lbs by Valentine's Day. Another personal goal I have for myself is to be out of the 90s by the time I hit NYC in March. So that would require me losing abut 8 lbs as of today! I got this! :) Also, I am strictly monitoring caloric intake and trying to stay near the bottom range of my calories and trying to get in 5x at the gym the week!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Thrifting...Post #200
Thrifting = the art of fashionably shopping at places such as the Goodwill and Salvation Army.
Since my tax return is going to be MUCH slimmer than I thought and I have much to do, I have decided to hit up some stores like Forever 21 and Fashion to Figure for some basics and cute stuff and the rest of the things I want to thrift it up in NYC. Outside of shoes, I'm sure I will be able to find some awesome pieces for my wardrobe. I am not only shopping due to my reduced size,but also because I am now 24 and need to spruce up my personal style! :)
Since I will have some extra time on my hands, I want to invest in quality clothes, still follow season trends all without setting me back. I will post the pieces I find and do some style posts ! :) Stay tuned babes!
Since my tax return is going to be MUCH slimmer than I thought and I have much to do, I have decided to hit up some stores like Forever 21 and Fashion to Figure for some basics and cute stuff and the rest of the things I want to thrift it up in NYC. Outside of shoes, I'm sure I will be able to find some awesome pieces for my wardrobe. I am not only shopping due to my reduced size,but also because I am now 24 and need to spruce up my personal style! :)
Since I will have some extra time on my hands, I want to invest in quality clothes, still follow season trends all without setting me back. I will post the pieces I find and do some style posts ! :) Stay tuned babes!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Contest Winners
10lb birthday challenge- I was one lb short of meeting the goal but KATHERINE M. WAS SELECTED BY LIAM AS THE WINNER!!!
Birthday Makeup Giveaway - SEHRISH M. WAS SELECTED AS THE WINNER!!
Congrats ladies! Contact me within the week to claim your prize :-)
Birthday Makeup Giveaway - SEHRISH M. WAS SELECTED AS THE WINNER!!
Congrats ladies! Contact me within the week to claim your prize :-)
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