So yes, I did my first day of the Jillian Michaels Shred-it with Weights (Kettelebells) and I am loving it! :) It truly kicked my ass! :) I miss that feeling. I got a great burst of enegery. My hunger was down today and I was in a overall MUCH better mood. That being said, I am still far from where I want to be but moving steadily in the right direction.
My goal is to work out 5x this week. I will begin my gym membership at the YMCA this Thursday and start Weight Watchers this Friday or Saturday. I AM going to make this change, PERMANENTLY. I owe it to Liam as well as to myself :).
P.S. Full Figured Fashion Week next June in NYC??? Yep! here I come. I'm going to audition and I'm going to ace it and launch my plus model career once for all dammit. I'm focused, man!!! (Jay Z voice)
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Physical Fitness - Long Overdue
I am officially on my way. The Plan: Take it step by step + week by week. Every week I am setting a goal for my self and every month I am setting a goal for myself.
I am going to alternate 2 Jillian Michaels DVDs: 30 Day Shred & Shred-it With Weights (Kettlebell workout) AND supplement that with Weight Watchers and going to the YMCA gym. So my first week goal is to work out 5x, consume at least 1 bottle of water/day, no pop and eat healtheir.
I'm doing my goals in stages: Short term -50lbs in 5 months
September - goal is -10lbs
October- goal is -10lbs
Nov : -10lbs
Dec: -10lbs
January: - 10lbs
So by Feb 1 (my 24th birthday) I will be 50 lbs lighter.
Ultimate goal: This time next year - August 2012 - 100lbs lost and a size 14/16, (whichever comes first). Because of modeling, I am more concerned with size/measurements and less with weight. Overall I want to be healthy and active AND in plus size model shape :).
The work begins tomorrow! With 30 day Shred!
I am going to alternate 2 Jillian Michaels DVDs: 30 Day Shred & Shred-it With Weights (Kettlebell workout) AND supplement that with Weight Watchers and going to the YMCA gym. So my first week goal is to work out 5x, consume at least 1 bottle of water/day, no pop and eat healtheir.
I'm doing my goals in stages: Short term -50lbs in 5 months
September - goal is -10lbs
October- goal is -10lbs
Nov : -10lbs
Dec: -10lbs
January: - 10lbs
So by Feb 1 (my 24th birthday) I will be 50 lbs lighter.
Ultimate goal: This time next year - August 2012 - 100lbs lost and a size 14/16, (whichever comes first). Because of modeling, I am more concerned with size/measurements and less with weight. Overall I want to be healthy and active AND in plus size model shape :).
The work begins tomorrow! With 30 day Shred!
Poetry Pause
Heart/Mind (read as Heart Over Mind)
written 8/2011 - sole intellectual propety and original concept of Cicely N. Carter
I know how dumb I may seem
because every single day
something reminds me of you.
Even though logic dictates my brain
the rhythm in my chest knows I feel
otherwise.
written 8/2011 - sole intellectual propety and original concept of Cicely N. Carter
I know how dumb I may seem
because every single day
something reminds me of you.
Even though logic dictates my brain
the rhythm in my chest knows I feel
otherwise.
Poetry Pause
Haiku : Beat
written 8/25/2011 - sole intellectual propety of Cicely N. Carter
When u look @ me
my heart skips a beat, buh-boom.
i want this for life
written 8/25/2011 - sole intellectual propety of Cicely N. Carter
When u look @ me
my heart skips a beat, buh-boom.
i want this for life
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Young Single Mama Series: Mommy Gets Tired, Too
Since this blog is to encompass the many aspects of my life, I realized i have not been devoting much time to really discussing single motherhood. Many suggestions, entries I have to write on this subject are geared towards single moms, but I'm sure can be applied to married mom and moms in committed relationships.
Today's Topic: "Damn, I'm Tired"
Back in 2009 when I was a scared, pregnant 21 year old expectant Mom, I couldn't have fathomed what my life would be like 2 short years later. While I am no expert still on child rearing, I can tell you this: TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS TAKING CARE OF THAT BEAUTIFUL SON OR DAUGHTER YOU LOVE SO MUCH.
When Liam was born, I thank God for the miracle of being able to have a few choice friends and of course Mom and Dad for ongoing and unconditional support, even though far from us. They helped support me in ALL ways imaginable. I couldn't have made it through the first year of Liam's life without their invaluable aid and advice. While on maternity leave, things were much easier to handle, but once the honeymoon was over and it was back to work and school FT for me, life got much more challenging.
I will tell you some of the things that went to the wayside: my health, my appearance, my happiness to an extent. All because I wasn't exactly sure how to balance things and I was in overdrive. My day went by so fast and was consumed with so many things, sometimes I'd walk out of the house and forget to brush my teeth, put deodorant on or even simple things like comb/brush my hair. I was caught in the moment, trying to be SuperMom/Daughter/Cicely.
I now know that is impractical. I CAN'T do it all alone. At least not expecting results. So I want moms to know this: DO NOT feel guilty for doing things for yourself.
Examples:
taking a nap! - sounds so simple and so small, but this can make a world of difference in your state of mind and how you feel physically
treat yourself - go get your hair done, mani/pedi, read a book alone in the library for an hour, buy some new jeans or new shoes, take a walk outside around the block/to the park for your sanity. It is necessary every once in a while to do these things. You are a mom, but you are a woman, a daughter, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, human!
frustration is ok- I used to feel bad when I would get agitated with Liam, thinking "what kind of mother does that?" All kinds. I am human, not a robot. When I am frustrated or overwhelmed, I pause and take a few seconds to reflect. "I love Liam. I love myself. Things will be ok". It helps me to regain control
mothering is not an exact science - no one is perfect and there is no one way to raise YOUR child. Do the best job you can do and enlist the help of those close to you and seek their advice. I'm not much of a disciplinarian, but I like sticking to routine for Liam. When we are in sync, it helps me get things together
ask for help or accept it when offered...need I say more?! lol
These are just a few suggestions to get you started! Please leave comments or any more suggestions you might have ! :)
Today's Topic: "Damn, I'm Tired"
Back in 2009 when I was a scared, pregnant 21 year old expectant Mom, I couldn't have fathomed what my life would be like 2 short years later. While I am no expert still on child rearing, I can tell you this: TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS TAKING CARE OF THAT BEAUTIFUL SON OR DAUGHTER YOU LOVE SO MUCH.
When Liam was born, I thank God for the miracle of being able to have a few choice friends and of course Mom and Dad for ongoing and unconditional support, even though far from us. They helped support me in ALL ways imaginable. I couldn't have made it through the first year of Liam's life without their invaluable aid and advice. While on maternity leave, things were much easier to handle, but once the honeymoon was over and it was back to work and school FT for me, life got much more challenging.
I will tell you some of the things that went to the wayside: my health, my appearance, my happiness to an extent. All because I wasn't exactly sure how to balance things and I was in overdrive. My day went by so fast and was consumed with so many things, sometimes I'd walk out of the house and forget to brush my teeth, put deodorant on or even simple things like comb/brush my hair. I was caught in the moment, trying to be SuperMom/Daughter/Cicely.
I now know that is impractical. I CAN'T do it all alone. At least not expecting results. So I want moms to know this: DO NOT feel guilty for doing things for yourself.
Examples:
taking a nap! - sounds so simple and so small, but this can make a world of difference in your state of mind and how you feel physically
treat yourself - go get your hair done, mani/pedi, read a book alone in the library for an hour, buy some new jeans or new shoes, take a walk outside around the block/to the park for your sanity. It is necessary every once in a while to do these things. You are a mom, but you are a woman, a daughter, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, human!
frustration is ok- I used to feel bad when I would get agitated with Liam, thinking "what kind of mother does that?" All kinds. I am human, not a robot. When I am frustrated or overwhelmed, I pause and take a few seconds to reflect. "I love Liam. I love myself. Things will be ok". It helps me to regain control
mothering is not an exact science - no one is perfect and there is no one way to raise YOUR child. Do the best job you can do and enlist the help of those close to you and seek their advice. I'm not much of a disciplinarian, but I like sticking to routine for Liam. When we are in sync, it helps me get things together
ask for help or accept it when offered...need I say more?! lol
These are just a few suggestions to get you started! Please leave comments or any more suggestions you might have ! :)
In the Future
Sooo seeing some of Rihanna's tattoos got me thinkin lol When I get to my goal weight I'm going to reward myself. There are some obvious things like new clothes, new shoes - hell a new wardrobe!
The List (when goal weight/size is reached)
1) Get my last 4 tattoos:
words in latin (one 2 on lower rib cage to hip, 1 underneath underarm where bra sits; I still have no idea where I will put the one dedicated to Liam-foot? ankle?)
2) buy a skirt - slightly above knee length #pow lol
3) buy a fitted ress (like cocktail/going out dress)
4) eventually i think i should run in a race/marathon just b/c its something i've never done and i would like that sense of accomplishment
When I think of more, I will keep adding to the list :)
The List (when goal weight/size is reached)
1) Get my last 4 tattoos:
words in latin (one 2 on lower rib cage to hip, 1 underneath underarm where bra sits; I still have no idea where I will put the one dedicated to Liam-foot? ankle?)
2) buy a skirt - slightly above knee length #pow lol
3) buy a fitted ress (like cocktail/going out dress)
4) eventually i think i should run in a race/marathon just b/c its something i've never done and i would like that sense of accomplishment
When I think of more, I will keep adding to the list :)
Poetry Pause
Air Travel
written 8/22/2011
A Cicely Carter original - written on Paris Pike on the way home from work
if nothing eva really dies
then did my love for u just
stay on ground waiting for u to board
while I was really flying high
amongst the clouds
waitin for u to come along?
was it something i said
that really changed
the course of this flight?
or did u cancel the itinerary at the last minute?
was i only a test flight to break in
the plane for the next passenger?
or was i much anticipated,
the 1 u had been dreamin about boardin all this time?
i only regret i never got to see our destination.
my trip to Love ended
with a layover in Heartbreak
here i remain.
reclaimed my suitcase
from baggage area 808
i'm waitin for u here
giving u the last chance
my heart beats on the conveyor belt
churning through with the rest of the freight
pick Her up
or She's gone for good.
I only write when I am emotionally moved to do so. He did this to me. Some of the realest lines I've written in months. Felt good to get it out...This is a work in progress. As u read it now is in its raw form, just like the words flowed to my head and down to the pen and on the paper.
sole intellectual propety and original concept of Cicely N. Carter
written 8/22/2011
A Cicely Carter original - written on Paris Pike on the way home from work
if nothing eva really dies
then did my love for u just
stay on ground waiting for u to board
while I was really flying high
amongst the clouds
waitin for u to come along?
was it something i said
that really changed
the course of this flight?
or did u cancel the itinerary at the last minute?
was i only a test flight to break in
the plane for the next passenger?
or was i much anticipated,
the 1 u had been dreamin about boardin all this time?
i only regret i never got to see our destination.
my trip to Love ended
with a layover in Heartbreak
here i remain.
reclaimed my suitcase
from baggage area 808
i'm waitin for u here
giving u the last chance
my heart beats on the conveyor belt
churning through with the rest of the freight
pick Her up
or She's gone for good.
I only write when I am emotionally moved to do so. He did this to me. Some of the realest lines I've written in months. Felt good to get it out...This is a work in progress. As u read it now is in its raw form, just like the words flowed to my head and down to the pen and on the paper.
sole intellectual propety and original concept of Cicely N. Carter
Monday, August 22, 2011
Think It's Time to Rename My Blog...
The more I mull over it and seriously envision my future, I think law school is out of the picture. I love the notion of fighting for justice and deciphering complex legal jargon, but I can't envision myself doing it forever. I think it would be one of those things that I start off with all the gusto in the world, but then slowly begin to lose steam as the job and its harsh realities set in. I don't want that to be my career. I have always been driven by things I believe in, feel passionate about and that ,whether immediately or later, help people. I truly enjoy working with kids and it puts a smile on my face, but this isn't what fulfills me, what makes me feel complete. It only took 23 years to figure it out, but what I truly want to do lies in art form, creative expression. This is who I am and for now want to be. I'm not realizing my creative potential. I am a writer first, an aspiring model second & a growing makeup artist. I am interested in things that change and evolve and that require constant learning and training.
Being a freelance makeup artist brings me joy. I LOVE to buy makeup, I love to apply makeup on others. I love the variances of peoples' faces, I love teaching people new techniques, i love having people being satisfied with something I do for them. I love the textures, colors, brushes, finishes, smells, mixing, adding, sculpting, contour, shapiong. Here is where my heart lies.
On the other side, I love to model. Giving "face" is about one of my most favorite things in this world. I love the look of clothing and how it fits the female form. I love the movement of the body and discovering more about its placement. I love haute couture, I love heels, I love looking at models in print ads, i am infactuated with the indsutry...There is where my heart lies
I love spending time with my son, I love watching him grow, reading to him, cooking with him, dancing with him, smelling his hair after a bath, powdering him with baby powder, tickling him until he laughs uncontrollably, watching him sleep, kissing his feet and hands, giving him kisses, giving him hugs. This is where my heart belongs.
I NEED all 3 of these things wrapped in 1. :) So with that in mind...I can no longer be FutureLawyerModelMama...what am I now?
Being a freelance makeup artist brings me joy. I LOVE to buy makeup, I love to apply makeup on others. I love the variances of peoples' faces, I love teaching people new techniques, i love having people being satisfied with something I do for them. I love the textures, colors, brushes, finishes, smells, mixing, adding, sculpting, contour, shapiong. Here is where my heart lies.
On the other side, I love to model. Giving "face" is about one of my most favorite things in this world. I love the look of clothing and how it fits the female form. I love the movement of the body and discovering more about its placement. I love haute couture, I love heels, I love looking at models in print ads, i am infactuated with the indsutry...There is where my heart lies
I love spending time with my son, I love watching him grow, reading to him, cooking with him, dancing with him, smelling his hair after a bath, powdering him with baby powder, tickling him until he laughs uncontrollably, watching him sleep, kissing his feet and hands, giving him kisses, giving him hugs. This is where my heart belongs.
I NEED all 3 of these things wrapped in 1. :) So with that in mind...I can no longer be FutureLawyerModelMama...what am I now?
How Is August Almost Over?
*sigh* I can't believe I have bene out of New York about 9 weeks now. It makes me sad, but more focused at the same time. There were things I HAD/Still HAVE to do & I wasn't getting any closer being there. I think I might move back, I really want to. Mainly, to make my last and final attempt at having a modeling career. I want this for myself, I want it for Liam. I can't deal with living the rest of my life never knowing if I could have made it or not...
I am making a promise to continue to take care of myself. ALL of myself: mentally, physically, emotionally. I want to grow and continue to be a better person, better mom, better everything. I'm not looking for love or validation from any1. I want to be a peace with myself and do what's right by and for my son.
The next to I move (be it to NYC or anywhere else). I'm going to be smarter, wiser and more prepared. Most importantly, I'm going to be focused!!!
I am making a promise to continue to take care of myself. ALL of myself: mentally, physically, emotionally. I want to grow and continue to be a better person, better mom, better everything. I'm not looking for love or validation from any1. I want to be a peace with myself and do what's right by and for my son.
The next to I move (be it to NYC or anywhere else). I'm going to be smarter, wiser and more prepared. Most importantly, I'm going to be focused!!!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
When I break, I B R E A K
So obviously posting a blog in a public forum i.e the internet enables and allows millions of people to see your page and even people you may not like, but that's life. Last time I checked this is MY blog and this is about MY life and MY opinions. You have opinions, I have opinions, Liam has opinions, the whole world has opinions about something, about everything.
I really have no interest in what drama is going on in other people's lives b/c guess what?! I don't care. I couldn't actually care less. If your not a friend of mine, someone I care about or family, you're a non muthafuckin factor :) . So if you feel something is explicitly addressed to you, then why not say something about it? Last time I checked that is how adults resolve issues. If you disagree with anything I post/have to say, that's fine. It is YOUR opinion, but what it comes down to is this is NOT YOUR BLOG! So if you want to vent/voice opinions, start your own and run amuck. But trust, I won't be reading or caring about ANYTHING you have to say.
That is all
FLMM
I really have no interest in what drama is going on in other people's lives b/c guess what?! I don't care. I couldn't actually care less. If your not a friend of mine, someone I care about or family, you're a non muthafuckin factor :) . So if you feel something is explicitly addressed to you, then why not say something about it? Last time I checked that is how adults resolve issues. If you disagree with anything I post/have to say, that's fine. It is YOUR opinion, but what it comes down to is this is NOT YOUR BLOG! So if you want to vent/voice opinions, start your own and run amuck. But trust, I won't be reading or caring about ANYTHING you have to say.
That is all
FLMM
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
In a Bad Headspace
I have heard that phrase used before and never really thought much of it, but these past couple of weeks I have truly been in a bad headspace. I am over this custody issue already! Liam's "father" and I have been fb messaging back and forth since July 23 and NOT ONE F--KIN TIME DID HE ASK HOW LIAM WAS, ASK WHEN HE CAN CALL TO TALK TO HIM, ASK ABOUT HIS HEIGHT/WEIGHT. NOT ONE FCUKIN TIME!!! How much more obvious can I make it that he doesnt give 1 shit about MY son?! What more is it going to take?! It's plain as fuckin day and I am truly tired of dealing with that loser. He is doing this to be spiteful and nothing more and I am sick of it literally. It enfuriates me, is making me lose sleep and eat everything in sight. I don't have to prove how much of a better parent I am when it is so obvious that he is such a terrible one. Only God knows what will happen with this case, but God truly knows who Liam belongs with. God knows who cares, loves him and wants everything good for him and who is doing everything in their power to make it happen.
My only regret in my entire life is having a kid with that loser. That is completely independent of Liam. NOTHING will ever make me feel different about him. I just can NOT deal with his father. I have never seen so much ignorance and spite rolled up into one person. It's truly sickening. I guess I have semi-resolved that this is now out of my hands. but it truly vexes me every day.
My only regret in my entire life is having a kid with that loser. That is completely independent of Liam. NOTHING will ever make me feel different about him. I just can NOT deal with his father. I have never seen so much ignorance and spite rolled up into one person. It's truly sickening. I guess I have semi-resolved that this is now out of my hands. but it truly vexes me every day.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
the Bad, the Worse & the REALLY Ugly...Who Has This Shit All Figured Out Anyway?!
August 2011 - So I'm finally working (20 hrs/week for the time being) and I still feel like my life is as stagnant as it has been since I got my degree September 2010. I have been desperately clamoring for job #2, but to no avail. 1 year later and I don't have SHIT to show for it :(. Oh yeah, monthly student loan bill, creditors that I owe and unpaid doctor bills for me and Poops. On top of having to live with Mom and Dad (which isn't as horrible as before), I have gained like 10 lbs since I have been home. I link that directly to stress. I am stressed the hell out: the custody bullish, semi-depressed about the direction of my life, not having enough money and really having no one to help me sort all this shit out...IDK wtf to do anymore honestly. I need more money and I have got to lose some weight.
I am slowly killing myself...it hurts my fuckin soul to write this number down...I got on the scale last week and I weigh 328 lbs!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tears* I wanted to scream! I was horrified by that number... I never thought I would get there. I am fuckin disgusted by that, dee-skus-tid! I've never weighed that much EVER. My weight before I was pregnant with Liam was like 278, while pregnant with Liam b/w 258-260, my weight post pregnancy 250...In March/April 2011 when I was working out with Diane - I was @ 312lbs, I lost 6 lbs while working with her and got down to 306lbs....since 2009 I have gained +/- 70-85 lbs!!!! Omg!!! How the fuck did I let this happen??!!! I really need help. This is truly a psychological problem for me. I eat when I'm not even hungry, it's a stress reliever for me and I'm 100% sure it is directly linked to a traumatic event in my past.
I feel like such a loser - too bad not in the losing weight sense. I am desperate for things to do. Something to change. The more stressed I am, the more weight I gain, the more I get depressed. My clothes don't even fit right anymore. :/ I feel truly helpless to all this shit right now. But I know I have to take action. I did apply for financial assistance so I could use the local YMCA, but I won't know anymore about that until this week. I am certainly not reaching for sympathy b/c there are people who are much worse off than I am. But today, August 14 2011 and forward, I really have no clue wtf im gonna do with my life, myself and most of all for the baby! I just need a sign that things are going to be alright and i won't feel nuts, depressed, alone, angry, confused, disillusioned for much longer...
This custody/visitation shit is draining me both mentally and financially. I have to spend most of Liam's child support money and my 1st paycheck to do this shit. I hope and pray to God i am doing the right thing. I hope that Liam's interests prevail in this case. God knows his "father" does not love him, i just pray the courts can see that. IDK wtf to do anymore, I'm truly exhausted! I need a restart and a jumpstart button on my life. I am barely holding on...
I am slowly killing myself...it hurts my fuckin soul to write this number down...I got on the scale last week and I weigh 328 lbs!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tears* I wanted to scream! I was horrified by that number... I never thought I would get there. I am fuckin disgusted by that, dee-skus-tid! I've never weighed that much EVER. My weight before I was pregnant with Liam was like 278, while pregnant with Liam b/w 258-260, my weight post pregnancy 250...In March/April 2011 when I was working out with Diane - I was @ 312lbs, I lost 6 lbs while working with her and got down to 306lbs....since 2009 I have gained +/- 70-85 lbs!!!! Omg!!! How the fuck did I let this happen??!!! I really need help. This is truly a psychological problem for me. I eat when I'm not even hungry, it's a stress reliever for me and I'm 100% sure it is directly linked to a traumatic event in my past.
I feel like such a loser - too bad not in the losing weight sense. I am desperate for things to do. Something to change. The more stressed I am, the more weight I gain, the more I get depressed. My clothes don't even fit right anymore. :/ I feel truly helpless to all this shit right now. But I know I have to take action. I did apply for financial assistance so I could use the local YMCA, but I won't know anymore about that until this week. I am certainly not reaching for sympathy b/c there are people who are much worse off than I am. But today, August 14 2011 and forward, I really have no clue wtf im gonna do with my life, myself and most of all for the baby! I just need a sign that things are going to be alright and i won't feel nuts, depressed, alone, angry, confused, disillusioned for much longer...
This custody/visitation shit is draining me both mentally and financially. I have to spend most of Liam's child support money and my 1st paycheck to do this shit. I hope and pray to God i am doing the right thing. I hope that Liam's interests prevail in this case. God knows his "father" does not love him, i just pray the courts can see that. IDK wtf to do anymore, I'm truly exhausted! I need a restart and a jumpstart button on my life. I am barely holding on...
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Mommyhood/Parenthood
Hey. There has been much going on in my life. Lately, the bane of my existence is this ridiculous child custody/visitation case Liam's "father" & I have going on. That guy is such a loser. I kick my self in the ass every other day for have EVER been involved with him. I honestly wish he would do Liam a favor and relinquish his parental rights...#realtalk.
He is truly only upset b/c now that they are garnishing his wages for back child support, it has cut down his $ supply. Not my fault, not my concern. He tried to attack my parenting skills when we were in court last time and you all know that truly pissed me off. My son is healthy, strong, beautiful, smart and emotionally stable because of ME, MY family, MY friends and the sacrifices WE have made, not because of anything his father has done. He honestly makes me sick to my stomach. The best I can do is pray over the matter. I just have to have faith that God will allow things to happen that are in Liam's best interest...
So I'm not perfect or the best mom, but I am working on being the best for Liam. I'm working on being more patient and attentive to his needs, I'm working on being financially stable for him, I'm working on being physically fit so I can try to be sure I'm around to see him grow up, I'm doing what I can to get him into a great preschool, the same school I went to for 14 years. I want to give him the best of everything and I truly believe that alot of time around his father is not that. His father is a vile, selfish person who only thinks about how things can benefit him...He wants joint physical custody so he wont have to pay so much child support...what an idiot! I refuse to let him play with my child's life. Liam is a person with feelings and needs like every1 else...most importantly he is MY person, he is the ONLY person that means so much to me....
Until again,
FLMM
He is truly only upset b/c now that they are garnishing his wages for back child support, it has cut down his $ supply. Not my fault, not my concern. He tried to attack my parenting skills when we were in court last time and you all know that truly pissed me off. My son is healthy, strong, beautiful, smart and emotionally stable because of ME, MY family, MY friends and the sacrifices WE have made, not because of anything his father has done. He honestly makes me sick to my stomach. The best I can do is pray over the matter. I just have to have faith that God will allow things to happen that are in Liam's best interest...
So I'm not perfect or the best mom, but I am working on being the best for Liam. I'm working on being more patient and attentive to his needs, I'm working on being financially stable for him, I'm working on being physically fit so I can try to be sure I'm around to see him grow up, I'm doing what I can to get him into a great preschool, the same school I went to for 14 years. I want to give him the best of everything and I truly believe that alot of time around his father is not that. His father is a vile, selfish person who only thinks about how things can benefit him...He wants joint physical custody so he wont have to pay so much child support...what an idiot! I refuse to let him play with my child's life. Liam is a person with feelings and needs like every1 else...most importantly he is MY person, he is the ONLY person that means so much to me....
Until again,
FLMM
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Beauty Drive-by Post
I liked my makeup yesterday. Different look for me, so I decided to post it! Boo yow! :)
Prodcuts used: MAC mineral bronzer, Benefit Sippin N Dippin cream shadow, L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes, MUFE Aqua Lip liner #18C, MAC NC45 concealer underye + brows, Anastacia brow powder in Dark, Black Opal eyeliner, L'Oreal HIP eyeshadow duo
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Beauty Break - new stuff :)
So I just had to do a quick beauty review...going back to my makeup roots for a lil bit :)
2 amazing new products I have/love/may possibly never do without again :)
L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes (reg in blk #620) - Truly opens up my eyes, making them appear brighter and more "doe-like". Awesome volume + seperation with no clumps! A steal @ Walmart for about $7...I now like this better than my Benefit BadGal Lash in blue (retail around $19).
Make Up For Ever - Aqua Lip lip liner in color #18C. I just could not find a perfect coral lipstick...so I kinda made my own. This pencil has great pigment and amazing durability for hours at a time, i think it compliments my skintone well. I lightly/mediumly (lol not a word) line the lips with this and then mix with a Nivea lipgloss...results? Peachy lip perfection
The look below consists of : concealer in NC45 MAC, brows filled in with dark brow powder by Anastacia, lightly dusted Vera Moore pressed powder in Almond followed by MAC minerals bronzer @ cheeks and bridge of nose, sippin n dippin cream shawdowliner Benefit Cosmetics as eye base, Almay eyeshadow in Apricot @ arch and inside corners of eyes, lime green shimmer eyeshadow on half of lid by MAC (will post name ASAP), Black Opal black liquid eyeliner at outer corners, L'Oreal voluminous millions lashes on top/bottom lashes & MUFE aqua liner #18C mixed with Nivea lipgloss in pink tube.
So what do you think? (yes I was in the car, NO not driving, but anyways safety first lol :p)
2 amazing new products I have/love/may possibly never do without again :)
L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes (reg in blk #620) - Truly opens up my eyes, making them appear brighter and more "doe-like". Awesome volume + seperation with no clumps! A steal @ Walmart for about $7...I now like this better than my Benefit BadGal Lash in blue (retail around $19).
Make Up For Ever - Aqua Lip lip liner in color #18C. I just could not find a perfect coral lipstick...so I kinda made my own. This pencil has great pigment and amazing durability for hours at a time, i think it compliments my skintone well. I lightly/mediumly (lol not a word) line the lips with this and then mix with a Nivea lipgloss...results? Peachy lip perfection
The look below consists of : concealer in NC45 MAC, brows filled in with dark brow powder by Anastacia, lightly dusted Vera Moore pressed powder in Almond followed by MAC minerals bronzer @ cheeks and bridge of nose, sippin n dippin cream shawdowliner Benefit Cosmetics as eye base, Almay eyeshadow in Apricot @ arch and inside corners of eyes, lime green shimmer eyeshadow on half of lid by MAC (will post name ASAP), Black Opal black liquid eyeliner at outer corners, L'Oreal voluminous millions lashes on top/bottom lashes & MUFE aqua liner #18C mixed with Nivea lipgloss in pink tube.
So what do you think? (yes I was in the car, NO not driving, but anyways safety first lol :p)
Monday, August 8, 2011
Monday!
Poops is @ daycare, I ran the necessary errands and now I have about 3 hrs left until I need to be at work. My supervisor let me know that I can amend my schedule and change it to working 3-8pm M-Thrs. That actually works out so much better now with Liam's impending visit to his "father's" in in a couple weeks. We are going to have to drive there, by Wednesday, Aug 10, I have to let him know about what time we are getting there and the $ he will owe to me for the tranportation costs. Luckily for him, we have to drive...plane tickets for me and Liam round trip $991.90 fohwtbs! I WISH I had money to drop like that on plane tickets and we wouldn't even be going through this bull. uggh oh well! Such is life. I am still just trying to let God handle things as He sees fit. Pray for me and my lil Poops. I know we will get through this...
Until again,
FLMM
Until again,
FLMM
Saturday, August 6, 2011
End of Another Week
Sorry sorry ! I have been a total slacker in terms of my dear ol' blog. I had a pretty good week @ work. I think I will actually enjoy my job and thus far don't mind going to work. Poops and I had a great day of lazing around and enjoying each other's company...I think that's how Saturdays are meant to be. Besides the usual money woes, I am still trying to find my place in the world, in this year, trying to find me.
For starters, I took one more step towards being healthier, I applied for a YMCA membership. I'm going to make this happen. At this point I am looking to lose in the 75-100lb range. It is not until I lose weight/tone up that I can began to seriously and actively pursue a career in modeling. Why am I holding myself back? Really laziness and complacency and letting the rest of life get in my way. I'm tired of thinking how things could/can be, I want them TO BE. That's where I come in. I have GOT TO GET MY ISH TOGETHER. I am only getitng older and my dreams are getting further away...
For starters, I took one more step towards being healthier, I applied for a YMCA membership. I'm going to make this happen. At this point I am looking to lose in the 75-100lb range. It is not until I lose weight/tone up that I can began to seriously and actively pursue a career in modeling. Why am I holding myself back? Really laziness and complacency and letting the rest of life get in my way. I'm tired of thinking how things could/can be, I want them TO BE. That's where I come in. I have GOT TO GET MY ISH TOGETHER. I am only getitng older and my dreams are getting further away...
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