The more I mull over it and seriously envision my future, I think law school is out of the picture. I love the notion of fighting for justice and deciphering complex legal jargon, but I can't envision myself doing it forever. I think it would be one of those things that I start off with all the gusto in the world, but then slowly begin to lose steam as the job and its harsh realities set in. I don't want that to be my career. I have always been driven by things I believe in, feel passionate about and that ,whether immediately or later, help people. I truly enjoy working with kids and it puts a smile on my face, but this isn't what fulfills me, what makes me feel complete. It only took 23 years to figure it out, but what I truly want to do lies in art form, creative expression. This is who I am and for now want to be. I'm not realizing my creative potential. I am a writer first, an aspiring model second & a growing makeup artist. I am interested in things that change and evolve and that require constant learning and training.
Being a freelance makeup artist brings me joy. I LOVE to buy makeup, I love to apply makeup on others. I love the variances of peoples' faces, I love teaching people new techniques, i love having people being satisfied with something I do for them. I love the textures, colors, brushes, finishes, smells, mixing, adding, sculpting, contour, shapiong. Here is where my heart lies.
On the other side, I love to model. Giving "face" is about one of my most favorite things in this world. I love the look of clothing and how it fits the female form. I love the movement of the body and discovering more about its placement. I love haute couture, I love heels, I love looking at models in print ads, i am infactuated with the indsutry...There is where my heart lies
I love spending time with my son, I love watching him grow, reading to him, cooking with him, dancing with him, smelling his hair after a bath, powdering him with baby powder, tickling him until he laughs uncontrollably, watching him sleep, kissing his feet and hands, giving him kisses, giving him hugs. This is where my heart belongs.
I NEED all 3 of these things wrapped in 1. :) So with that in mind...I can no longer be FutureLawyerModelMama...what am I now?
Cici, I think what you are going through is totally normal. We are at a age where the decision we make will affect the rest of our lives. We all have these worries but you have a child so those worries are amplified 1000x.
ReplyDeleteYou need to pray and ask God for wisedom and guidance. Don't go crazy thinking about what will happen in 2, 5 or 10 yrs just think about today. What are the things you want to accomplish by the end of this year? Start working on that.
Have peace Cici. Everything is in God's hands and He already has everything planned out. Even if it doesn't seem so, He does.
thanks for the kind words Katherine. It's not so much a what I want to do now as it is a how in the world am I gonna get there? I just gotta keep praying and God will make a way!
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