Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Autism & More

As I stated in a previous post, much has come to pass since my blog post last year. I am in the process of going from full time status at work to Per diem Pool. Being in the "pool" allows me the flexibility I need to be home during the week to take Liam to school, a requirement of only 40 hours a month of work and more hourly pay. In exchange, I will give up my FT benefits which include (decent and reasonably priced) health insurance and 6 credit hours of tuition paid per semester.

The truth is while I could use the benefits, I NEED the flexibility for Liam. He is in his first year of all day school. We have homework daily, he is involved in an after school program and he will soon be receiving at-home services. 

I feel like lately Autism has been taking over our lives. I applied for a waiver for Liam back in April 2014. We were approved April of this year. My intention was to get him supplemental therapies/help for his ASD diagnosis and essentially set him up the best I can to get the help he needs and to thrive. That process is almost complete. We should begin getting in-home therapy in the next month or so.

In addition, I applied for SSI for him as well, just because you know anything I can do/get to help him I will certainly do. I had an in-person interview to go over income, some basics about Liam etc. Then, we were scheduled for a psych eval by an independent psychologist or the SSI office's choosing. From that evaluation I kind of feel like I was dealt another blow. For the second time (and this time STRONGLY),  a psych clinician has told me that believe Liam may have a dual diagnosis of ASD and ADHD. It was kind of like someone punching me in the stomach. I know it's not the end of the world, but I just feel like I'm barely holding my shit together some days.

I just feel overwhelmed and sad and disappointed that he has yet another thing to deal with. When I  grieved his ASD diagnosis, I had finally gotten to a place where I felt like I could help him cope. Where I could cope. Where I kind of felt like things would be alright. Now I just think "How the fuck can he deal with yet another issue?". Please don't get me wrong and think that I'm looking for a pity party here. I'm certainly not. I just never expected to deal with all this. More importantly, I wanted my child to be "normal" - whatever the hell that means, whatever the hell my vision for that used to be.

Now, I just worry if he will be able to have REAL friends, form great relationships with people, be happy, be successful (whatever that means for him) and thrive in life. How will he do when I'm not around? I'm almost constantly surrounded by worry of things I only barely have control over. Also, as a single mom I feel the worry so much more intensely.

Please feel free to share words of encouragement. I would definitely welcome and appreciate it right now!

Until next time,
- Cicely

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