Reevaluation

The past 2 months or so, I have really been feeling the negative sides of living back at home with my parents as a grown ass woman and mother of a child. I am so frustrated!! They seem to be on my back about something every day or every other day. My nerves are wearing thin and it is getting to be unbearable. There were times in the past couple of months where I dreaded going home. Not because of Liam, but because I'd have to deal with my parents. Sometimes they are just so damn negative and it really puts me in a bad head space. They nag, nag and once they are done nagging, keep doing it. 

I look at my life a year ago and I can't honestly say that things have improved THAT much. Yes, I am 45 lbs lighter. Yes, I am marginally less stressed financially, but I can't deal with living in a house with 2 other adults who don't treat me like an adult. Even though it was hard as hell a lot of the time, I miss the days being able to go back to MY apartment, take of my shoes and plop my ass down and let the dishes wait or clean in the morning before Liam woke up. I sometimes feel like I cant even breathe. Make or break, in the Spring time when these decisions for Nursing school start rolling in, I gotta get the hell out of my parents' house.

I have to constantly remind myself that I did this almost entirely for Liam. I was on the verge of a meltdown/breakdown in my life and this was the only out I saw. God and everyone else knows I did NOT want to move back home. I viewed it and still view it as the most epic fail of my 24 years of life. I knew when I fled Kentucky for college in NYC in 2006, that it was good bye forever. I knew this was the end, that I was finally going to a place where I could do and be who I wanted.

Alas, I did...and now I'm back here. It could always be worse...but yeah it's pretty bad. I just feel that at this point in my life, I should be much further than where I am now and it kills my soul that I am not. I always talk about wanting a man of substance who has his shit together, but wtf am I really saying when I still live at home with my parents?! It would be a total deal break for me to date someone who was living at home. Even under dire circumstances. I feel adults should all have their own private space, hell even a rooommate would be better.

I'm sorry for the rant as I know I'm generally a little more positive than this, but I'm almost at my end with this. 1 year of my life has gone by spent in Kentucky and in total my/our life/ves haven't improved by much. I try to count my blessings and am thankful for what I have, but I want and need more. I'm doing everything I can to get it, but every time I reach, I see it slipping from my hands.