This Right Here's For You...

Elijah,
Before I dont ever get the chance to talk to you again, I realized that keeping things inside is hurting no one but myself. I am still in love with you and I love you. You continue to tell me that I can do better. You can also do better than what you're doing. Who you are right now does NOT have to be who you continue to be and who you will end up being.
I know a lot of bad things have happened in your past and you still have to deal with that. Way before you met me, you had so much to live for and people who love you and will have your back no matter what. As long as you are alive, tomorrow is another day, another chance to do right. It's painstakingly clear to me that you dont understand how I truly feel about you, maybe you never will. When I look at you , I dont see everything bad. I see someone who has so much love inside of him, who is lost from the things he set up to do and who, just like me, is still trying to figure out the person he will become.
I know how it feels to give someone so much of yourself and for them to rip you apart. To make you question everyone and everything. To make you wonder what you ever did that was so bad and so wrong to make someone treat you like that. You start to wonder how and if you offended God and what you can do to right the wrong things you might have done. I understand all too well about that.
Before I met you I resolved that I was never going to fall in love again, that for 2011 and on my life would be focused on reaching my dreams and raising an intelligent, wonderful man. Then, I met you and for whatever reason we liked each other and there was something about you that I couldn't shake. I can't explain why I feel the way I do about you, but I know what's in my heart and what I'm compelled to say. I know that thinking of you would make me smile, that seeing you play with Liam made me happy, that the small amount of time that we spent together I was happy (well mostly).
So I know that it was hard for you to believe me and I'm not even too sure that it really matters right now. But it matters to me to tell you, so that it was never a secret: if and when you needed me, I would have been there for you. I have never let my friends or my family down and I love those people like none other. The love I have for you was/is on the same level, but in a different way and I've never let them down and never will. With you I saw a chance for me to do something different, to let myself go and try to trust someone for the first time in three years. I never worried about me breaking your heart, but somehow I knew it would be you that would break mine. I am always the one who ends up losing in the end because I take a chance on people. I see the best in others, sometimes when they can't even see it in themselves. It is because I open myself that I am prone to getting hurt. Nothing would have been perfect between us but I can guarantee I wouldn't have broken your heart and when things were bad or worse, good or better, I would have been there through it all start to finish.With me, you never would have been alone (in the non-stalker way of course)...
I don't even know if any of this matters anymore, if you even care or what it will change if anything. All i know is that you changed me. Almost as soon as you ignited something new inside me, you also put out that fire in the same breath. I don't know what this means to you and I have no control over your reaction. What I do know is that aside from the hate I used to carry in my heart towards Liam's father and the undying love I have felt for Liam since he was inside my tummy, this is the realest thing I've ever felt.
So I laid all that shit bare and I put it out in the atmosphere and it's there. Do what you want with it, don't care, ignore it, cry about it, sleep on it, mull over it, do what you please. I'm done

Good bye,
Cici