More Realizations to Round Out the Week...

I am officially done with it all! I honestly don't know what to think about anything or anyone...I am really at a point in my life I'd never thought I'd be in the worst way. I feel like a loser and that I have actually accomplished NOTHING. I feel things spiraling/have already spiraled fully out of control...Not a good feeling whatsoever.

I am seriously thinking I never should have left NYC, but when I look at it financially, I really didn't have a choice...But I feel like I left my life behind there. It wasn't much of one, but it was mine and what I made. I didnt have a million friends but i did have a few that mattered and I left it all behind...to come here...

Most of it boils down to issues with money, but even still it is so much bigger than that. I feel like I have failed as a parent already and @ this point I really don't know wtf to do with myself/my life? I am disillusioned by people, by the way things are supposed to be, by the way they are not, by every f--kin single detail of life. I know there are things I need to do I just don't know wtf to do and htf I am going to get there.

Try as they might, my parents arent really all that supportive which sucks even more. When I try to discuss with them ideas I have, they never offer any true opinion or it's a negative one. I need to fucking get away from everyone. Poops & I need to hop on a one way something and get the hell outta here. I really just dont know what to do anymore...

Also on another depressing note, it truly makes me sick how people treat each other. How people we love treat us and how no one can ever just tell the fuckin truth and be real anymore. The only love I believe in is that between parent and child or other adults and children and the love those children feel back. Im so tired of being crapped on and having those I love be treated like Sh!t too. It's just not fair. I have truly lost hope in ever finding the right person for me. I tried to have an optimistic outlook, but too many bad things keep happening for me to continue to set myself up for failure and I won't do it anymore...nope I wont.