#Icant: Life or Something Like it Edition!

So interesting how life changes within one second, one glance, a yes or no answer to a simple question. There are about 5 days til I'm out of NYC and as much things that will be the same alot is also ever changing/going to chnage for some people that I care about.

I thought I would be living it up tonight and be a hot, drunken, sloppy mess but right now Im not even feelin' that whole shit right now...I am more focused on spending the last moments I have with ppl
I care about...

It's funny b/c somewhere i had hoped that I'd see MPL again before I left but then I realized that is a #dead situation. I 1/2 expected him to make a way to see me today or while I was here in LI, but I knew from the get, it would not happen. I do not matter to him in the same way he is starting not to matter to me...He and I can NEVER have or be anything ever again. I am finally to the point where I dont think about him so much where I realize that I really cant love him anymore. He doesnt give a shit about me and even if he does he doesnt appreciate me enough to do anything about it. He went from one bad situation to another and I fuckin refuse to continue livin' my life waiting for him to get his life and be the man he can and should be...MPL I still love you (not in love but love you as a person) but it will NEVER be more than my son or myself and I will ALWAYS choose us over you. I deserve more and better and much to my dissapointment, you may never be mature enough to handle the kind of love I had for you....anyways #next

To my ace boon coon lol Shit is hard and really sucks right now but u will make it through this like u have everything. Just take it one day at a time, always follow a combination of ur heart, ur gut and ur mind and in the end do what you have to do and do what's best for you. You will always b my ace and pretty much a sister/close cousin to me...can't choose ur family, but we r damn sure lucky we can choose friends!

Much on my mind...