So I know my true issue - well at least one of them. I am always the optimist. Almost no matter what a person does, I TRY to find the best in that person and make things alright. Every time I try this, it seems to be with the most undeserving people and I always end up hurt and disillusioned in the end. That is me, that is the character I am in the Greek tragedy of my life. It might possibly destroy me one day...
I dont know why I thought otherwise. Actually, I didn,t. It was my heart telling me that something might be different, but my mind and my gut knew it wouldnt. I partied last night with the Gays lol and had a good time. As I expected, MPL left the club with someone. It didnt even piss me off, it disappointed me more than anything. We had spent about an hour talking about life and where we want to go in our lives, Christianity, Islam, just whatever. I have to come 100% realize he is full of shit. My brother used to tell me that men will always sell dreams to you and MPL talked a good game, but in my mind, I already knew none of those things would happen b/c HE is not going to change.
I might have been in love with him yes, but please don't try to fuck with my feelings. I may still be a naive, country girl at heart, but I'm not an idiot. He is a good man underneath ALL the bullshit but he may never realize his potential and I'm not gonna wait for him to do it. For me, it was so much more than physical, but again he may never understand. I just dont/cant/wont care. I'm not chasing anything but my dreams. Lord willing, I/ will become a better person b/c of this.
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