So I have been dreading this trip since I knew about it last month and now the time is almost here. Liam's Thanksgiving visit to see his "father". People who don't know me may always wonder why I am such a Negative Nancy when it comes to this issue?
Here are the reasons:
1) the missing genetic piece in this equation has not had ANY sort of contact with Liam since April; no phone calls, no emails about him, no NOTHING
2) he is still behind on child support and ONLY began to pay child support b/c it was court ordered & the garnished it from his wages; prior to that in 18 months he had given me and Liam 2 small packs of diapers, $80 and yeeeaaaah that's about it
3) he is an idiot! there is no reasoning, no negotiating with this guy. He wants to have control over this situation. YET he has done nothing to augment the daily care, physical/mental development of my son and still feels it's his "right" to tell me what to do and how WE should live our lives.
4) I moved out of NYC b/c I could/can no longer afford to live there, he straight up lied to the judge and told her I took him away w/o letting him know. His WHOLE family including him had known since last Christmas
5) I honestly feel he can't add anything positive to Liam's life: he can't teach him to be a better person, he can't teach him to be a real man, he can't teach him to be a father, he's not even intelligent and conscious enough to appreciate and understand the value of education.
He has fulfilled his role as a sperm donor, now if he will step aside and let me continue with REAL parenting, I have no objections to that! These are honest feelings and opinions, if you don't believe in my parenting style/ability, then that is on you. I know my son and I know my situation and this is currently what it is for us.
thanks for sharing. i'm not a single mom technically but my husband works a lot so i feel like one. he is a really good guy but did not have very strong family role models so he has to be shown what a father does. my parents separated and divorced and we've been through the whole child support thing too. it brings back memories when i read your story.
ReplyDeletei understand why you feel the way you do about liam's biological dad and it would be hard for me to hand over my child like you have to do for thanksgiving. i know you have not asked for advice, but i do want to say something. it would be best for liam that he doesn't experience/absorb your negative relationship with his dad. i would keep it as separate as possible. don't bad mouth him to liam. i think the best thing for liam in the future is for there to always exist the possibility that he can have a relationship with his dad separate from the relationship you have with his dad. does that make sense? it sounds like any kind of relationship will be limited, especially if the man in question never changes, but liam will eventually need to figure that out for himself. you don't want liam to resent you for standing in the way. my parents had a very acrimonious relationship and my mom did bad mouth my dad, her mom, etc. i don't have a close relationship with my dad today and i have had to find out for myself just what the limits were with him.
hang in there. you have a beautiful little boy and you are giving him so much.
when do you go to the Y? do you bring liam and use their child care? let me know when you. i'd love to meet you there sometime.
I do agree w/ u. I don't say anything bad about his father in front of/around him. But, at the same time I dont call his father or email him unless it's necessary. My feeling is that it's a 2 way street. I am ALWAYS the one to reach out to him first, I ALWAYS call to arrange visitation. I'm just really tired of this shit to be honest. I do my job everyday y do i have to police and harass someone to speak with their own son?! Negative, not going to do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not even angry at the situation that transpired b/w us, that is over and I'm so glad we are not in a relationship anymore. I'm angry that he is f--kin up MY child's life b/c he isn't incapable of being a decent person!
I just cant wait for the day that Liam realizes what is REALLY going on.