Officially a Student (Again) & Random Musings

Hey  guys!

I have not been so diligent in posting this week. I have not really had much to say that I think people will give a sh&t about, so hey I spared you guys lol. I am still in the process of trying to narrow down the aBSN programs I want to apply to. My undergrad GPA is less than desireable because of 1 terrible grade I had in my 2nd to last semester that KILT it. Literally! :( So there are some programs I BARELY make the cut off for. I know I can write my ass off and will get awesome recs and I also need to kick ass on the GRE. Last, but certainly not least I have to get a 3.5 or above in my prereqs. Out of the 26 credits I'm taking from Summer, Fall, Spring I have room to only get 2 or 3 Bs...So yeah it's all laid out I need to DO IT like Nike!

This mother's day weekend: I'm working today and tomorrow freelancing for Benefit in Sephora and then Smashbox in Macy's. I will be helping my mom do a charity walk for her job. I will be working on reading 3 chapters and doing a journal entry for Sociology.

Bio and Psych start Monday. I am excited about this semester. I'm ready to kick ass and get the next phase of my life and career going! :) I want to finally be at a job that I love and get paid a salary I love! :) I want the flexibility and stability in my life and Liam's! He deserves it and I'm truly excited about being able to help people in a tangible way! :) I truly feel I have found one of my main callings! It does something to my soul to know that I will actually be able to directly impact people's lives. This is what life is about!

I will be posting one other time this weekend, but otherwise I'll be gone til next week! Thank you as always for reading!

Oh yeah and don't forget...blog will be relaunched soon. Still working on making it perfect! :)

Wordless Wednesday

I haven't done much writing this week. Forgive me for that! Wanted to share a few pictures of me and Liam today. It was the end of our Toddler/Adult program that we had been doing since February! I was so glad Liam and I did this program and I'm happy to have spent this time with him. :)

Back on Track

Sometimes I fall off a bit, but I will not give up on achieving a healthy lifestyle for me or my son. I gained 2 lbs last week due to poor eating habits. But I know one thing, I'm BLASTING the fat this week. I am staying on track. I want to lose this weight so bad. I'm almost at the 1/2 way point. I'm not stopping now. There is too much at stake for me to quit.

I keep thinking about the things I want to do that are health/wellness related. I want to motivate people, I want to study bodies and the issues of weight loss. I want to become a personal trainer, I want to become a Nurse Practitioner who helps hundreds and thousands of people to avoid the same pitfalls that shaped the beginnings of my life and eating habits.

I want to help people live. I want to inspire them to do better and I want to show them how. In order to do these things...Gandhi said it best "you must be the change you want to see in the world".

So if you have fallen off your goals, need the extra motivation or just got stuck in a rut. Reflect about why you are doing this in the first place.Becoming healthier and leaner...what does this mean to you? for you and for your family?

Nursing School NYC '13 or Bust

It's so strange because this time about 2 years ago, I was finalizing my list of law schools that I wanted to attend and studying for the LSAT...funny how life has a way of steering you in a new direction. But don't worry law school is still on my radar one day as well as my MFA in Creative Writing :). Mama's got plans I tell ya, PLANS! So now I'm at the point my academic career where shit is crucial! Like my/our life(ves) (hyperbole) depends on this. I'm taking 9 credits this summer all Pre-reqs for programs I'm interested in and 10 credits in the Fall (again pre-reqs). In terms of classes that will leave me with about 2 classes left to complete (Stats & Chem and possibly another Bio)

My Top Choices - based on location, price, program
(almost all of these apps HAVE to be completed by November 15, 2012)

1) SUNY Stony Brook - Long Island - has campus apartments, could still keep my car, child care center near campus, still in NY (not 5 boroughs tho), state school, 12 month program
*I am also applying to their 2 year traditional program just in case

2) Pace University CDP program -bsn + msn to be FNP

3) Columbia ETP program - have to also take GRE for this. what seems to be an amazing program that would allow me to get my BSN, work for 1 year and then return to get my MSN and become an Adult Nurse Practitioner which is my goal. From there I would delve more into what I would like to become my Fitness Nurse specialty. I think this would be the best professionally, but not the best logistically and financially which of course are MAJOR considerations

4) Lehman (now y'all know I'm a little anti-Bronx, but they do have an accelerated program that again would be at those great CUNY rates)
The info online about their program is vague, so I will have to do some more research and request info.

5)NYU- prices are ridiculous but it's worth a try. I need options

6) Still applying to EKU anyways for their accelerated program (not so accelerated at 21 months!)

7) Univ of KY-again not accelerated, but what the hell


Now you ask...how in the HELL am I going to make this happen?

*GPA -in all honestly I can't afford anything below a 3.5/ That is a crazy high standard for someone who is not so strong in Science, but I have to get there...
* with the help of Fastweb.com, I have a goal to apply for 4 scholarships for $300 or more per month
*those refund checks from school? Save as much as possible.
*HRSA scholarship - if I got that would have my tuition paid for, a monthly stipend and would have to work for an HRSA approved site for 2-4 years
*United Way here in Kentucky has a program to help people save $ for school, small or biz or a house down payment
*next year's tax return - in the bank!
*save money EVERY month
*apply for departmental/institutional scholarships at whatever school accepts me
*keeping this goal in mind...I want to be under $50,000 $75,000 in loan debt by the time I am done with ALL my education
*get kick ass Letter of Rec...I can only think of 2 possibilities right now: my soon to be psych or a&p 1 teacher and one of my bosses at work...I need a third...we'll see.

I have a shitload of things on my plate...but come hell or high water this will get done. I might be half crazy and emaciated by the time it's all done, but I will get it done.

My Top 10 Workout Songs

These are the songs I love to rock out to when I’m “up in the gym just workin’ on my fitness”. There are my favorite 10 out of about 70 songs I include on my playlist titled “Cici’s Workout Plan” lol

1.        “Give Me Everything” –Pitbull ft. Ne-yo & Nayer

2.       “Look At Me Now” – Chris Brown ft. Busta Rhymes & Lil’ Wayne

3.       “We Found Love” – Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris

4.       “Rack City”- Tyga

5.       “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever) – Will.I.Am ft. J.Lo & Mick Jagger

6.       “…In Paris” –Kanye & Jay-Z

7.       “XXXO” – M.I.A.

8.       “No Hands” – Wacka Flocka Flame ft. Wale & Roscoe Dash

9.       “Tonight (I’m Loving You)” Enrique Iglesias ft. Ludacris

10.   “Bon, Bon” - Pitbull

Raising a Toddler Boy

I wrote this at the request of a friend who now has a 13 month old running wild around the house lol. Toddlers are a whole new animal. I'm not attempting to dissect them and study them, merely to shed light on the struggle lol.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means a child expert, psychologist,therapist, guru or anything of the like. I am simply a young, first-time, single mommy who is driven nuts at frequent intervals by her 2.5 year old son named Liam.


What I have Learned about Toddlerhood:

1) It's NOT infancy. Gone are the days of the docile, sweet smiling baby you birthed. Long gone! lol They ain't coming back baby. We must now deal with this animal called the Toddlersaurus lol

2) Your child is forming his identity apart from you. He will rebel against you, but this is normal. "No" will become his favorite word and some days you will be his arch nemesis. These are just growing pains :).

3) What has been his favorite food for the previous year will now be something he throws, pushes away and/or spits at you. This too is normal. Ex: Liam used to love, love, love cheese. Now he won't touch the stuff...but he does actually eat burssel sprouts..hmmm lol

4) Some days he'll be as easy Sunday morning. He will smile when you wake him up, help you get him dressed for the day and even put on his coat...but the other half of the week, you will have to fight him, console him, coddle him, beg him and force him into submission as you struggle to leave the house on time

5) It is unpredictable! I wake up almost every day to a different boy...but that's the fun part..right? RIGHT?

6) I know my son loves me. Now "Mommy" and "Mama" are staple words in our house. I hold up a picture of us and he points and i.d.s me as Mommy. It makes my heart melt. He smiles his devilish grin at me. He pulls me back into bed to cuddle with me and cradle my face. He misses me when I'm gone. Apparently I am just as important to him as he is to me.

7) It does get easier. One day at a time and as he grows and matures, I feel better about the decision I make in his life.

8) Discipline. It is necessary! Or that kid will steam roll right over your ass. In true Black/Latino fashion we use a plastic spatula to ward off any bad behavior. All we have to do is wield this small instrument and all you see are baby buns running in the opposite direction. It's quite entertaining actually lol. Collectively me, Mom and Dad use time out, spatula and menacing looks. This seems to work quite effectively.

9) Male presence is important. So although Father of the Year is not really in the picture, Liam has my Grandpa and my Dad to compensate for the lack of testosterone. Makes me feel better that these 2 positive males are in his life.

10) This stage won't last forever and while I whine, gripe, stress and complain. When the 2s,3s,4s are gone, I'm going to miss the little man he used to be.

So rest assured if you can relate to this post, you are certainly doing something right! Raising kids is no small task. Raising kids as a young, single mother can be HELL! But it's worth it. My son is worth it. This life that I'm making for us is certainly worth it.

Poetry Pause

The following is intellectual property and original concept of Cicely N. Carter (April 14, 2012)

Of Dreams
written in a moment of realization while walking the streets of Manhattan

The smoke's haze lingers
over heads
like halos over fallen angels.

Cattle driven, prodded by routine
and aimless roaming.

One distant light gleams
like the remnants
of hope
in my eyes.

Tales of a Hot Mess Mommyhood

  There are times when I seriously feel inadequate as a mother. This mostly comes from me comparing myself to other women/families and comparing my child to theirs. I love Liam more than life itself, but I can’t help but to look at him some days and feel I have failed him. I feel bad that I can't do more for him because he deserves it. I know that sounds nuts, but it is true. I feel like his life would have been better had I A) been older and more stable when I had him or B) if he had been born into a much different situations with two parents.

#1 – No Dad around (ok fine a 1/10 time Dad…he’s around him about 10% of the time and has contact with him about as much)

#2 He has a slight speech impediment and will be meeting with a speech pathologist next month to address and treat the issue. I somehow feel there is something I could have done to prevent or correct this, even though I know it’s just one of those things.

#3 Preschool – he didn’t get in. He is young for his “grade” (mid-October birthday) and none of the schools around here really accept children before the October 1 cut off. I just feel that I didn’t prepare him enough. I didn’t ready with him enough or something. I know that this is not entirely true, but I always feel like when I can’t provide him the best opportunities available it’s my fault

#4 I work 6-7 days a week sometimes…enough said. There are times I get home and I’m just so tired and he wants to be around me and play and all I want to do is lay down. I feel bad about that.

#5 Our family unit has been blended with that of my Mom and Dad. I feel like my sense of family with him is fading away slowly. Before it was just me and him with everyone else visiting. Now sometimes I feel like a visitor in his life. L

#6 The fact that I don’t have my ish together is an impediment for him. With everything that goes on with court, life and negative crap I hear, I feel like what I’m doing is never good enough. Ever.

                It drives me up a wall! I know and God knows I am doing the best I can with what was dealt to me. Sometimes I just don’t feel like my life is moving forward. I moved back to Kentucky 11 months ago and I still don’t have shit to show for it…ok fine aside from the 44 lbs lost and a healthy and happy baby. Besides that, my life remains the same: all work, no play, stressed out, planning my next move in life and to the next state and trying to get shit together. This is why I want to be older. I know that I won’t be living like this in 10 years, hell I hope not in 5 years! There has to be a better way. This can’t be life. 

B.o.B - Don't Let Me Fall

My new theme song

My Own Self-Proclaimed: Hot Mama Body Challenge

Today marks day 1 of a 90 day or about 3 month challenge I am doing for myself. I still can't believe I have lost 44 lbs in 9 months. I lost a toddler (literally! - Liam weighs 42 lbs). I have a very specific goal and that is to lose 35 lbs during this time (May 1-August 1). I want it bad! When I lose this weight, it will put me at 30 lbs to goal. I will treat myself with a photo shoot and I will be at a total weight loss of 78 lbs. What the challenge will consist of:

*Working out AT LEAST 4x/week. Even with school, I am trying to bump it up to 5x (maybe not 5 days, but I will have to do some 2a days if I can)
* Having 2 cleanse days with Isagenix per week. They will have to be hybrid cleanse days (i will eat only fruit and veggies along with the Cleanse for Life powder that day)
* being extra diligent with the calorie counting
* water, water, water - I have fallen off with my water consumption. Need to pump that back up in a hurry
*limiting any sugary drink to 1 8oz serving a week or less
*put more variety into my workout. I don't want my body to get stuck in a rut and neither do I! :)
*I will do measurements and weigh ins (today, Day 15, Day 30, Day 45, Day 60, Day 75, Day 90)

This is me day 1 of challenge 285.2 lbs

Any suggestions on what to do? What not to do? I'm really trying to jumpstart my body and my routine again and blast this fat! Leave your comments and ideas :).