"When It All,it all Falls Down"

When it rains it certainly pours. I know that when things are bad they won't be bad forever. Let's get the negative news out of the way first:

1) Stemming from Dad's toe amputation 2 weeks ago an infection developed. When he went to doc to check in on said infection it turned out to be MDRO (multi drug resistant organism) called ecinobacter and he was kept. Next day turns out on top of Diabates,peripheral vascular disease, Dad also had clogged arteries in the heart. Yesterday afternoon open heart surgery was performed. He is currently in Cardiac ICU and doing well....the road to recovery will be a long one

2) I went from a low A to a D in one of my online classes because my simple ass forgot to take the midterm! I honestly thought I had more time than I actually did. Professor said NO to late midterms...FML! Now I have to bust my ass JUST to get a B.

3) I have now gained a total of 26 lb and I'm fed up! I've got to start TODAY getting my life and WLJ back on track. I feel like I'm losing control! :/

Now on to some good things:

1) Liam turned 4 Oct 16! Despite Dad being in the hospital he had a great day.

2) I booked my flight to Sea-Tac aka Seattle Washington! I will be shooting with Liesl Binx for the debut of her Fall line. I'm so fortunate and blessed for this opportunity.

3) I'm working more hours = more $

4) This semester is ALMOST over

5) I completed a boudoir shoot 3 weeks ago and the results are awesome!

Don't feel bad for me guys, just please keep Dad in your thoughts and prayers and send some light our way! Thanks so much.

Until again
Cicely

In the Trenches

http://rebloggy.com/post/depression-depression-quotes/31751357155

I have really been through the emotional ringer lately. There has been so much and I do mean sooooo much going on in my life. I finally complete all the diagnostic testing for Autism for Liam. I'm about 80% sure the results will come back that he is on the Autistic spectrum and that is not what even bothers me. What stresses me out is the fact that I can't be around enough to provide him a stable routine that would be ideal for a kid dealing with as much as he is. My work hours are all over the place and almost every time they call me into work...I go not because I want to, but because I know I need the money.This involves working 2nd shift, 3 shift and 12 hour days sometimes. It involved being so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep. It involves feeling like shit emotionally and physically due to the schedule wreaking havoc on my body and the fact that I'm away from my child so much.

Then, comes the frustrations of working all the time and still never really having money. My car needs breaks, Since August I have been paying 4x the price because I "make too much $" to qualify for child care assistance. My rent has also gone up and I honestly feel like I am only making enough to keep simply my nose out of the water to make a few labored breaths. How can someone with a 4 yr college degree and a year of college credits after possibly be THIS broke? It is depressing and so, so frustrating. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Modeling - I have a pending trip to Seattle that I don't even know HOW I'm going to make happen. I looked at this trip as an opportunity to finally take my modeling career up a notch, but I see that dream blowing away in the wind as I type.

Health - I've now gained bout 25 lbs of the weight I lost! I am sickened and saddened by it. I feel like crap and my release has been to stuff my face with food (picture of health I know). I am just so disappointed in myself. Starting tomorrow I have to go back to the gym. My schedule is so sporadic that I honestly plan to go to the gym and sometimes can't because when I work in the day I have to get Liam to school and pick him up from daycare.I have to, have to get some stability in my life or I'm going to see the same # on the scale where I started 2 years ago. I can't let that happen to me again.

I do feel better addressing these issues and fleshing them out on paper (well on screen). But I am just feeling a little helpless right now and that's a feeling that in not welcome for me.I am trying to be positive because Iknow things will get better, but if it doesn't happen soon. I'm not sure how much more I have left (not suicidal, but it is possible I will have to deal with some depression)

Fall - 3rd Year Blogversary

http://www.brainleadersandlearners.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/celebrate.gif

I'm sooo terrible with blogging these days and for that I apologize. I seem to have the lack of "ganas" (desire) to do so and when I have coveted extra time, I usually doing homework, spending time with Liam or simply trying to gain some extra sleep. This month marks my 3rd year as a blogger! I can't believe the evolutions both this blog and my life have had since 2010. I am overall in a much better place and am raising a child who will soon be 4 years old!!! Where does time go?

I wrapped up an amazing shoot with Photography and Design by Lauren 3 weeks ago in August and you can see the newest additions to my modeling portfolio here: Cicely Carter Official Modeling Page or here Cicely Plus Model Facebook . I'm so proud of my work and how my portfolio has grown.

Liam is doing well in preschool and speech therapy. We are having him tested for Autism and honestly what I care about is that we get a diagnosis and can get him the help he needs to continue the thrive and excel in school and life.

Dating - y'all already know that story! lol

School - I applied for the Nursing program at EKU and am awaiting that response. I am applying to one other school and hoping and praying that I get in somewhere for the Spring semester for clinicals.

Work - I'm still at the hospital doing registration PRN and picking up all the hours I can. I have applied for numerous Nurse Aide/Tech positions specifically for overnights so that I can work 3 12 hour days and spend more time with Liam. Jesus be a FT overnight position with benefits so I can finally gain some financial stability in my life.

So sorry for the delay, but I'm back and trying to get back to regular and meaningful blog programming :).

Until again,
Cicely

Cicely Plus Model - August 2013 Preview Pics

Check these out from my photo shoot August 31. Shot by the oh so talented Lauren Morris of Photography and Design by Lauren. 

Caged

http://wantcy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/lets-run-away.jpg

I know I have spoken on this throughout my blog, but at heart I am a wanderer, an adventurer and I like to be in new places doing new things. My ideal life would be working in a place and then moving when I got tired/fulfilled my purpose there. That to me is perfection. Being a single parent and having a child thrown in the mix makes it super difficult to accomplish that.

 I have lived back in Kentucky for a little over 2 years now and I've felt trapped for the past year or so. I NEED to move, I need a fresh view and fresh air. Honestly, if it wasn't for Liam I would probably have never made it back to these parts.So I need to plan a trip. I'm thinking Europe because a friend of mine will be living in England getting her master's and I can visit more than one country at a time easily. What do you think? If you could go anywhere where would you go?

I need some new scenery in my life...

Until again
Cicely

This Heart O' Mine

Photo courtesy of :https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSIAOw7NFsXOnlHiyeFyNcw7X1pTYmsPvgZDF0YMz8hWFokLVJI

I have been doing so much introspection these days. Life has a way of making you think and think and think. I have been in deep thought about so many aspects of my life. Most recently, some things have come into focus about my love life and the future of.

What I have learned about this heart o' mine:

1) It's guarded. - This should be obvious, but I didn't realize it so much until lately. I'm bitchy, I'm hard on people and I don't take (what I perceive to be) bullshit. I feel like I have had to deal with so much dishonesty and lies from my past relationships, that I have to be a hard ass.

2) It's big. On the other hand I love deeply. I love fully and if it's anything but a relationship I almost love unconditionally. This love extends to my closest friends, my family, of course Liam and to some of my kids from my library job. I love people. I am an extrovert and I just love giving love.

3) It's determined. I don't want to settle for just anyone. I know and understand the quality of man that I want and I'm REALLY trying to keep hope alive that he's out there...somewhere looking for me too.

Those are just some of the things that have been rolling around in my head lately. Sorry it has taken me so long to write again. Be on the lookout for more entries this week.

Until again,
Cicely

Style, Hair and Catching up

 out on a Summer night

 style post accessories

 style post whole outfit

Outfit of the night- date night Aug 11, 2013

NEW - Rue 107 + Retro Pop Drss ;)

 new do' - straight hair dont care and ends trimmed to the gawds lol Aug 9, 2013

This has been a short round up of my doings since my last entry! I promise to write more soon. Class will be starting next week for me and for Liam! ? :)

Adios,

Cicely

New Start

image courtesy of: http://www.jobsinme.com/media/graphics/photos/articles/how_to_get_a_new_job_off_to_a_good_start.jpg

Hey out there,

Well you know I have been on the job hunt for CNA positions and well really full time positions in the healthcare field that can work with and around my school schedule and I've finally take a step in the right direction! I'll be starting my new position July 18, but won't be leaving my beloved library job until August 15 :(.

I'm truly sad about it and will miss what I do. I'll miss those bad as kids and the stress of programming and that damn grant paper work and all the other things I usually complain about.

In my new position I'll be a Registration Clerk at a local hospital mostly doing ER 2nd/3rd shift. Although this is not the hands on position that I will be doing when I find employment as a CNA, it is a step in the right direction and works well with my schedule right now (i.e. it came right on time). I will get more pay, more hours initially and they have provided for my school schedule.

Again, this is not my "dream" position (i.e. one where I can deal with direct patient care and learn the ins and out of RN duties), but one step at a time I am getting there. I am still awaiting the results from my state test and then hopefully will be able to hear back from hospitals and begin to interview!

If all goes to plan, no later than October 1 I will be working 3 nights a week, 12 hr shifts (probably 7pm-7am), still freelancing on the weekend for Benefit, kicking ass in Chem (the goal is a B) and working on all the other fabulous things I want to accomplish.

I'm truly blessed and I don't want to take that for granted. I'm thankful that although this is not exactly what I want, it is right now what I need! I really believe that all my hard work/struggle/blood/sweat/tears now will not only shape me into a better person and mother that I will come out of Nursing school as one hell of a Nurse (and eventually Family Nurse Practitioner).

Ciao,
Cicely

Cicely June 2013 Updates Go Fund Me Campaign

Cicely as the Face of LieslBinx...Upcoming Project

I've started a campaign on GoFundMe.com please com support and check out what I'm trying to do ;) 

Support Cicely as Face of Liesl Binx Fall 2013

This page is dedicated to my journey to travel to Seattle and and support a fellow plus size girl, Liesl Binx, as she launches/develop her first fashion collection (Fall '13) and as I venture to continue to gain positive exposure in the plus industry. Most recently I was featured in the international online magazine Volup2 (www.volup2.com) Grace issue. I'm still pushing forward to make my dreams happen. Here's your chance to participate! :) 

About the Line:
This sharp fashion forward sportswear collection can be worn by plus size women of most ages as the designs offer a wide range of flexibility. Liesl uses classic silhouettes with unique on-trend design elements to spotlight the fuller figure. Focusing on perfect fit, and fabric choices along with functional garment construction this collection offers a new standard in plus size fashion. Inspired by self-love and body architecture Liesl presents you with her debut collection.

Check out: www.lieslbinx.com