And Another 1 Probably Bit the Dust...

I am so frustrated right now. EVERY single time I have an opportunity to do something with modeling, there is ALWAYS something in the way and I mean ALWAYS. Wtf does it mean? If I wasn't meant to do it would I be so close to doing it so many times? Wtf am I doing wrong? The timing is always so bad!

This time is actually LESS of a money issue and now is a scheduling issue. I have to work at job #2 Fri Nov 4 10a-3p, that means I would have to leave for NYC Wed Nov 2 and return in the night of Thrs Nov 3..which wouldn't be an issue if I could find flights during that time...which at this point I can't. Man Idk wtf I'm doing wrong. I'm trying to pay off my debts and settle things the right way and it is a HUGE impediment to me being able to do the things I love.

I'm truly on the verge of putting my aspirations to be a plus size model on the back burner for good. Something that will go under the category of; I came, I saw, I tried, it didn't work. Smh...idk wtf to think about it all...really.

I am in such a shitty mood. I just don't know wtf I am doing wrong. Every now and then I get this overwhelming feeling that I won't ever accomplish the things I want to or the things I was meant to do. I feel like all the things I planned are not what is really going to happen. I am scared of the future at times. More than that I am scared of failing. I can't spend my life TRYING to make it something I just have to do it. And it's like for every small triumph I have, I am left to face a bigger setback/obstacle...I truly don't know what to do anymore. I feel kinda lost.