How To Love...

It's been a minute...there has been much on my mind...

I'm swimming around trying to find my place in this world still. I somehow things would get easier. Did I expect things to fall into place on their own? I have had what seems like a million job interviews and prospects but the right one has not come around yet. I return to NYC July 21 briefly to resolve the custody hearing issue! I honestly cannot wait until that is over. Til this day no child support payments, no calls about Liam. That dude truly makes me sick to stomach. I am disgusted with myself for EVER having loved a person that despicable and for subjecting an innocent baby to this shit! But this is the path I chose and I am dealing with it the best way I can.

I have been thinking about the previous situation with MPL and I can honestly say I am not in love anymore...I can't be. I refuse to let myself go there again or stay there anymore. I deserve so much more, so much better. I may never find it in someone else, but I am going to find it for myself and in myself. I still do have love for him, but I cant keep giving of myself to people who can't/won't/don't know how to appreciate me and the things I have to offer. i just miss the good thing I liked about him, that I grew to love about him, but what can I do? I am but a woman  who turned into a fool for love, who tried to believe in people again, who was proved wrong and who is still trying to pick up the f-in pieces and figure out who/what/when/why and where?! It still makes me sad to think about it, but it happened for whatever reason...that reason I am still not even sure of!

July 26! My baby daddy aka Liam's aunt/god mother should be here! I'm excited. I have something to look forward to. I need my buddy back. :/

That concludes this episode of the Adventures of FutureLawyerModelMama...

until again,
FLMM