I often think about some of the friends I used to have here in Kentucky. These are the people I spent the majority of my formative years with and people I thought I would know and be friends with forever. Yet, in reality, I've lost touch with more than a couple of them. Moving to NYC wasn't so much the deal breaker as it was the different directions we were moving in life. I'm sure none of my friends thought I would be the one knocked up out of our "crowd", well hell neither did I. But for a couple of them, things between us really changed.
Take friend O for instance. When she heard the news I was pregnant, I immediately began to feel some air of disapproval and discontent coming from her. Slowly, but surely our phone calls became fewer to infrequent to nonexistent. She even at one point asked if I was dropping out of school becuase I was pregnant. That really pissed me off. So around that time almost 2.5 years ago, I decided that she was no longer a fit for me and my life and I cut off all communication with her. Deleted her from FB (heard her reaction through other friends- of course she didn't know why) and deleted her phone number. It's not so much I wanted her out of my life as I realized I no longer had a place in hers.
Then the biggest shock of all came to me with former friend J. We had been friends since we were 9/10 years old and I expected us to grow old together. We had great memories together and I loved her family. For her, I'm pretty sure me having a baby didn't bother her. She even showed up to the baby shower we had in July 2009. My split from her came in Spring 2010. It just seemed like I would text and receive no response and when i would call, I'd leave a message or 2 and NEVER get a response back. I understand we are busy and I also understand that we all have lives, but even when I can't do it as much as I want to, I STILL call and see about my friends. I think that situation hurt my feelings more than anything really...I thought that after we had been through so much that she would like being Aunt J and that we could continue to build our friendship...Hmmm guess not...
Now that I live back in Kentucky, I sometimes dread seeing her. I know it's something that is very possible and I honestly don't know what I'd say to her. Would we sit down and talk about what happened to our friendship or would it be super akward?!
What's your take? Have you ever lost friends at important times during your life? Ever had to remove people from your life? How did it feel and what was the situation?
Until next time,
Cicely
Speaking from my experience with a close friend, when she got pregnant I was disappointed with her poor choices (especially when I later learned that she put holes in the condoms... no comment) but I got over it. Not to give myself any glory, I tried my best to show her the love of Christ and be her friend and her confidant. I started to distance myself from her was when I saw that she was using me and we was addicted to the baby daddy drama.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I'm not friends with any of the people I use to be close to in high school. They all got to go away for college and I was very hurt because I felt as if I was left behind. I will admit I was very bitter and resentful with them. That was my fault but they never acknowledge the fact that I had to stay behind.
The friends I have in my life now are my family. Be it by blood or by love like you, Liam and my church family. Everyone else are classmates and acquaintances that come and go.
wow ! Thanks for being real. That's alot of emotion to deal with. Well In truly believe that God lets things/ppl out of your life to make way for something better! :)
DeleteI think this friend disappearance is universal, some people just don't now how to be "good friends". I believe that in some circumstances, while growing up, we don't really "know" our friends as well as we think we do. Maybe sometimes people did not actually change. You just never knew who they really were!!
ReplyDeleteI have experience with a childhood friend as well as another friend who is related to me(cousin), whom i thought was a good friend.
Childhood friend A- we were really close, grew up together, she moved and all of a sudden, new friends,new standards and attitude because supposedly she was in a rich neighborhood. blah blah and so on. phone calls became less frequent, and I felt her attitude about me, and where im going with my life, and who I was with at that time she probably felt it wasnt up to her standards. Ive had those days too when i would call and leave messages, and I was always known for changing my number alot, so that was always her excuse..but i KNOW for a fact that she had my most updated number, always. anyhow,years later I find out shes getting married. No invite to the wedding,or even told about it but I wasnt surprised, and no offence taken. Now when she messages me time to time, its just not the same. You KNOW when someone is genuinely happy to see or talk to u and takes interest in ur life also. but this is jus one of those ppl I guess who will stay as an acquaintance, sadly.
Cousin friend B- Growing up, weve always always been close. closer than my own sister. grew up in same household, went to same schools and all. there came a point when I felt that she wasnt happy for me for my littlest happy occasions and whatnot. not even that, She would openly declare that she was jealous and would always go tell her mom about my personal life, which I thought i could trust her with. GUESS NOT! I could care less what she thinks of me, but recently what got me so mad was that she tried to put me on the spot and trying to make me look bad in front of the family by bringing out my personal business about who I am with at the moment. (u might have an idea about how it goes with this topic about "dating men", in paki families lol) anyhow, Y i was mad was cuz I knew all her personal business all these years but would never go and tell the world, or make her look bad in any sense. what she does is none of my business, and I would never shine someones faults/business out in the light like that. she would always claim Me and my sis left her out all the time with everything we do, but she never saw that when we TRIED (and lemme tell u we tried hard) to always include her in everything we did, she would backstab us and never really be happy, but always try to compare herself and try to make it obvious to EVERYONE that she is always better in every way.
Anyhow, I can go on forever. ur prob like, *phew* when is she gonna be done lol.. I think u get the point. It felt nice sharing that with someone, cuz I havent done so in a LONG time. so thanks for listening and I would jus like to end on this note:
Whoever is genuinely not happy for u,doesnt make effort to be a part of ur life and matter, most likely believes u are not contributing anything to theirs as well. Some people need to receive in order to give. but what they dont understand is that friendship is not that one thing where u need to get something in return in order to give. at least I dont think so. (in some cases)
the conclusion ive come down to is just to be nice in general, as long as U know in ur head where they stand in ur life. I wouldnt make any effort to reach out to "those" friends but i wouldnt ignore them if they came to me with a problem. Cuz growing up, I learned what a real friend is. and even if they are not, I will always be one (:
K im done lol