The Father, the Son and the Psychologist

I meant to do this post sometime last week, but of course my last few blog entries have been consumed with Lover Boy lol (DD) and my plots on how to get back to NYC. Liam's father and I had to meet with the court appointed psychologist last week as a kind of last ditch effort to get us to compromise, so that the Dr. could make his reports and I'm sure so that he could feel out where we both were.

Here are the things I realized from that hour in the ring with them both:

#1 I am 100% over Liam's father. I honestly have been since January 2011 (or sooner). There are no feelings of love left in me for that man. I don't hate him or want to kick his ass (as much), but there is certainly no love lost.

#2 That it wasn't really me. I completely take my portion of the blame in ANY situation if I'm wrong...the only things I was wrong for: falling in love with the wrong man, having a baby by the wrong man, thinking that somehow, someway (even before Liam) that he would realize what a good woman he had and want to do better, expecting someone to change on my terms and being unhappy in a relationship that I felt had no potential growth. He admitted that he cheated and that there was drama and girls calling me and that he told me lies. He told the psychologist that when I was further along in my pregnancy like (7 or 8 months) that he finally realized he wanted to be with me and have a family. By that point I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew with him I would never be happy.

#3 That he thinks I was wrong for springing the support and custody papers on him right before my grand exit from NYC. Maybe the sneak attack was NOT the best way to go about it, but it had to be done. We were not even at the point where I could have sat down with him and have a rational conversation.

#4 He thinks I'm bossy and controlling. Bossy, yes! Controlling, no. I honestly don't have what I consider to be a weak personality, but I don't think I'm domineering either. I'm the youngest child and I have a way of being able to get people to do what I want them to lol. I realize I am somewhat of a brat. If I don't get my way sometimes I am upset by it...the only things I tried to control between us was the direction of our lives together. I gave up after a while because I realized I can ONLY control where Cicely is headed. If S. didn't want to come with me, he had to stay behind and eventually that's how it played out.

#5 if S. acted like a normal human being capable of communication, I would be able to work with him/successful co-parent. I still don't see the type of effort I know he can put in...why do I have to do everything? *sigh*

#6 In hindsight, everything is clearer, less dramatic and not nearly as bad as while it is happening. I had to go through this to become a better person...