"You're Too Pretty to Be Single"

As I sit here in my undies prepping to go to work (kinda sorta lol) and jamming to Kings of Leon (whom I discovered listening to VH1 early mornings with a then-newborn Liam), I keep thinking about life, love and relationships. I swear fo' gawd if one more person says I'm "too pretty to be single" I'm going to f--in scream!!!

Apparently being in a happy, healthy and successful relationship ain't got ish to do with your looks. If that was the case I'd be married by now?! lol I'm just really over it. People keep telling me that I just have to wait and I'll find someone. I don't just want someone, I want the right someone. I guess it really only bothers me cuz I'm getting old as hell and I just knew when I was 16, I'd be married by 25 and might have a kid or two and be happy as a pig in sh*t....well not quite.

I'm pretty sure this is only an issue because everyone and they mama seems to be getting married or engaged or is in decent relationships. It makes me wonder if there is really something wrong with me or is the timing just that bad (ALL the time though) ? I mean, don't get me wrong I have my share of bad habits/bad things about me, but nothing that should keep me from having a healthy, real relationship.

Dealing with all the BS I have in the past between long term relationships and single dates I have been on, I know 100% what I want in a man and subsequently in a relationship. That might be the underlying issue. I have had so much of what I don't want that I am too strict in "requisites"? Shhhhiii I don't know. I blame my Dad for setting that precedent. If a man can't treat me like a treasure the way my Dad did when I was a little girl and to some extent now, that's a general sign of "hell no" for me.

In a relationship I only give what I feel is given. That has been my M.O. in the past. If your ish is not up to par, why should mine be? Now I won't even get into a relationship that has this kind of inbalance. It is supposed to be 100% from both ends, together we make 200%.

Maybe I expect too much from other people? I like to think I only hold people to standards that I myself can comply with and live up to. I'm naturally into building relationships and rapport with other people. This is where the notion of caring too much comes into play. Shit, I really do care about people. I care about how they feel, about the things they are going through and more. I put value into making sure other people are taken care of and feeling ok. Sometimes even when those same people wouldn't do the same. But what I can't seem to find is someone who will do the same for me whom I am mutually attracted to and want to be with.

I'm just going to stop having a pity party for myself and live. When I briefly touched on the subject to someone, they told me to keep the DD option open. I can't even get into that situation. I truly feel that is a disaster waiting to happen. I cant even think about a relationship track with him now or anytime in the near future. We, for now, will just be friends. That's about all the cards are going to allow now.  "*sigh and double sigh*

I'm not sure that love was meant for me...