I had to make a post about this because it has been weighing heavily on my mind...some of the girls at the library and I had this discussion. One of my coworkers is in a long term relationship and still deep down believes that her boyfriend will one day cheat. The second who is younger than both of us (turning 21 in July) was in a serious relationship in her teens and was cheated on.
I'm not the type of person that believes in absolute truths when it comes to people or the common stereotypes that we as a society place on a particular sex or ethnicity. All black people are not good at sports, all Asians are not great at math, and the list goes on. With that said, I don't believe that ALL men are cheaters, but I'd be willing to bet that the percentage is somewhere in the 90s (and by 90s I mean 98% of men lol).
From personal experience, cheating was the most devastating event that has happened to me in the course of a relationship. That relationship was with Liam's father. It's not just the cheating that rips up your heart, it is the lies, the level of deception and the fact that you were not good enough to be told the truth by someone who allegedly loved you as much as you did them.
Because of this experience and several other less heart wrenching ones, I know that I can never trust anyone 100%. It's nothing personal to the next guy and it's not to say that I dont trust anyone, but it does mean that I don't think I can ever have that "Free Falling" (Tom Petty version). Cheating is a deal breaker for me every time. It just makes me wonder about this thing called love and are there really people out there with honest intentions anymore?
What do you guys think? Does every man cheat? Does every one cheat? Should cheating be something tolerated or even expected in a relationship? Is fidelity a lost art these days?
Cicely, I hear you and I understand 100%. I am a gay male and it bothers me that people, both men and women, see us as very promiscuous and as "dogs" it's pretty much a double whammy for me. With that said, I am not an innocent soul. I've cheated on lovers and I've been cheated on as well so I know that it's a very painful experience. But how does one "recover" from such a mistake? I don't think every one cheats but I do believe mistakes happen. If someone has given you there most sincere apologies and has made changes within themselves, I believe that it's worth another shot, especially if it's true love. Sometimes it takes that one mistake, on the cheaters part, to realize what they are sacrificing. In regards to your friend who thinks her boyfriend will one day cheat, you should tell her to let go. If she doesn't trust him now, and yes it's a trust thing, it's only going to make things worse later on. If he hasn't cheated don't keep that feeling inside. I will share a personal experience. I have been dating someone for about a year and for the 1st couple months I thought he was cheating on me. Now maybe this might not be everyone's situations but that lingering thought in the back of my head intensified tremendously when alcohol was involved and made me susceptible to the flirting and thus leading me to do things I wish I never did. I just feel that it's one thing if someone cheats on you it's OK to have that thought in the back of your head (if you choose to move on) but it is most certainly unfair to the other party to be classified as a cheater or a potential cheater when that person has really done nothing to lead you to believe that they would do such a thing. If that were the case, as you said, wouldn't all of us be considered potential cheaters?
ReplyDeletethanks for the re: Sobrino. I forgot to mention that I do know that women cheat too. In this post I just meant men in particular lol. I do believe in redemption and forgiveness. IF, I felt the situation was worth and capable of being saved, I would give it serious consideration. I have been guilty of making out with another guy and even going on dates with other guys while in a relationship. It was my juvenile attempt to get back for the cheating at the time, to try to cure some of the hurt. One of those "if you don’t want me, someone else will" kind of things.
DeleteI agree that trust is the foundation of any relationship (friends, family and other). I could not be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust. I’m sure that is my number 1 reason for not being in one now. I’m on high alert for lies and bullshit lol. You are absolutely right, if we are all looked at as people who are not worthy of full trust, then we can all potentially be cheaters.
My solution to it all: tell the truth up front. I would rather have wounded pride, hurt feelings and be fighting mad because of the truth than to be deceived, played and treated like an idiot with lies! But that’s just me.